My son hates showering in the bathroom near his bedroom. There is a window in there, and even though it’s frosted, and no one can see in or out, he’s afraid someone will peek in while he’s using the shampoo. We have reassured him (a lot) that nobody will see him while he’s showering, but our son doesn’t believe us. His fear has resulted in enough tears to fill the bathtub.
This whole thing frustrates me because I know he’s fine. Nothing bad is going to happen. So I had to find ways to help him build his bravery. After some trial and error every night before bed, I found a few key words that have helped us turn the corner in the bathroom window situation. No matter what has your kid feeling timid, there’s hope. Here are 4 responses that turn scared kids into brave kids.
1. “I hear you.”
When I said this to my son, I could see a change in his eyes. The fear seemed to lessen once he knew I wasn’t ignoring his feelings. He wasn’t on an island. His dad was empathizing. Scared kids want to know that you care about what is bothering them. Don’t disregard their fears, even if they feel silly to you. “I hear you” legitimizes your child’s emotions.
2. “Don’t give in.”
Fear is a liar. It tells kids they’re trapped. Teaching kids how to be brave means telling them the truth—that they can defeat fear. “Don’t give in” opens the door for you to tell a story about a time you overcame fear. Relatable examples are powerful and fuel for their fight. Have a David vs. Goliath kind of conversation and encourage them to stand up to the emotional challenge.
3. “You can do this.”
I find peace when I read 2 Timothy 1:7, which says, “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” I tell my son that two things can be true at once; Fear isn’t from God, and we can draw strength from Him during fearful times. Scary things can serve a greater purpose. They give us an opportunity to trust God and experience His peace and faithfulness.
4. “I’m with you.”
When my son was standing at the edge of the shower afraid, I stood outside the curtain for a few minutes as he calmed down. Just knowing I was in the room made him braver. When we (or our kids) are scared, we might feel alone, but we aren’t. Jesus said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you” in Matthew 28, and he meant it. Just knowing he is there is comforting. We and our kids can use that knowledge to fuel bravery, even in the scariest moments.
Sound off: How did you deal with your fears as a child?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is the scariest thing you have ever experienced?”