Spoiler alert: I’m going to share a scene from season 3 of Ted Lasso. If you haven’t seen it, well first, what’s wrong with you? Second, go see it. OK, here goes.
Ted and Nate looked up at the blank wall in front of them where a sign with one word, “BELIEVE,” used to hang. That sign represented Ted’s whole philosophy as a coach, to have self belief, to believe that great things could happen, to believe in his players and coaches, and to believe in positive outcomes. In an angry moment, Nate ripped it off the wall and tore it up. Now, fully reconciled in their friendship, Nate stood looking at the wall feeling guilty for what he had done. That’s when Ted said, “I tell you, when I look up there, I still see it.”
Ted’s belief was so ingrained he didn’t need a sign. That’s exactly what we want for our kids. Unfortunately, this generation of kids has a lot of anxiety and pessimism. We want them to believe in themselves and have optimism for their futures. They need to have self belief, and as dads, we are the best people to give it to them. Here are 5 ways to show your kids you believe in them.
1. Let them do it.
Whether it’s resolving a problem at school or relationally, driving a car, making a home repair, or even as simple as setting the table when they’re young, let them do it. We’re all tempted to step in to solve problems for them, but that only communicates that we think they can’t do it. Let them struggle, make mistakes, and push through when circumstances get challenging.
2. Be there.
Whenever my kids accomplished something in their younger years, the first thing they would say to me was, “Dad, did you see that?” Show up for their events, games, activities, and productions. Nothing communicates a belief in our kids quite like the investment of our time.
3. Tell them.
This may seem obvious, but I can’t tell you how many dads “know this” but then don’t do it. Our kids need to hear from us that we believe in them. Just make sure that they know that your belief in them is not tied to their specific performance on a given day. We are all going to fail and succeed at different points. Your belief is in their innate value. Their mere existence is significant and meaningful, and they have a lot to offer this world.
4. Validate their experiences and what they say.
Listen to and validate their struggles. Don’t minimize them. Sometimes, we jump a little too quickly into motivation mode. That can make our kids feel unheard. Sure, they’ll need a perspective adjustment along the way from time to time and a word to persevere. But make sure you spend enough time first making them feel understood and known.
5. Encourage failure.
My dad taught me to play chess when I was six. He didn’t let me win, and I would cry when I lost. I’ll never forget him explaining to me that losing is a learning experience. Make sure your kids know that your belief in them is not tied to their performance. Encourage failure as a great way to risk and to gain experience, insight, and knowledge.
Sound off: What are some other things we can do to bolster a kids’ self belief?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Do you believe in yourself? Why or why not?”