When World War I broke out, new military technologies were brought to the battlefields. Tragically, military leaders continued to use outdated strategies, leading to catastrophic outcomes. Open field charges of enemy position may have worked in the 19th Century, but in the era of the machine gun, it was a disaster. War got more complex, and the military needed new fighting techniques. In a similar way, we’re on battlefield that’s changing rapidly—one that presents new threats in the form of temptation. But we can’t use outdated strategies when fighting temptation and expect to win.
Unlimited access to pornography, plus a culture that says it’s fine to have sex whenever you want with whomever, has made our battlefield more complex. Years ago, All Pro Dad founder Mark Merrill spoke with Steve Arterburn, author of Every Man’s Battle: Winning the War on Sexual Temptation One Victory at a Time. Mr. Arterburn has counseled numerous men and women on the front lines of this issue. He shared some timeless strategies for fighting temptation, and we’ve bolstered those with some updates. Here’s how to win the battle when you face sexual temptation.
Get connected.
If we give in to every urge we have, it’s not because we’re taking advantage of our freedom—it’s because we’re not free at all. If you’re truly free, then your urges don’t decide for you how you spend your time. You decide. If you’ve found yourself compulsively engaging in unwanted sexual behavior, you can find freedom from that, but you can’t find freedom alone. Confide in group of trusted male friends who’ll walk this journey with you. Give them the authority to hold you accountable to living a higher standard and provide them with the same encouragement. Search for groups, therapists, and coaches who specialize in sex-related addiction. It may take time and money, but your freedom is worth the investment.
Build restraint.
Fighting temptation starts by building the discipline of restraint. Those who desire to resist sexual temptation must possess the ability to deny themselves instant pleasures. But that ability doesn’t just appear—it needs to be fostered. Think about it like training for a marathon. No one can run 26 miles without doing many smaller distance runs that lead up to it. Eventually, muscles and endurance are strengthened for the longer runs. Building up the ability to resist sexual temptation starts with practicing small denials: skip dessert, sit through the commercials instead of changing the channel, refuse to hit the snooze button. Consistent small acts of discipline like these build “muscles” that make it easier to say no to higher-risk temptations.
Control your eyes.
Images you view will form a photo album or video library in your brain. The more time you spend looking at porn, for instance, or even at the women who pass us by at the grocery store, the gym, or the beach, the more those pictures become vividly clear and permanent. That library profoundly affects our feelings and attitudes, particularly toward the women we date or marry. It becomes easy to compare them to the images we house. Practice the discipline of bouncing your eyes away from things that awaken sexual desire, unless or until you’re married and looking at your wife. Reserve those looks for who they’re actually for: your wife. Looking solely to her to awaken those desires will increase your wife’s attractiveness in your mind, making it easier to connect.
Protect your mind.
When intrusive thoughts, images, and ideas enter our minds, we do have a choice. We can either continue to think about them, or we can escort them out. When something enters your mind that doesn’t belong there, practice the discipline of stopping the thought process and changing it to something else. If that isn’t possible for you right now, a good therapist or coach can help you.
Be honest.
Finally, it’s easy to justify something that is happening inside your head. But if we entertain thoughts long enough, they usually inspire actions and attitudes that affect the world around us. Sometimes, it’s discontentment with or coldness toward the women we encounter off-screen. Other times, it’s doing some things we wish afterward that we hadn’t done. Be honest with yourself about the impact of giving in to sexual temptation. What has giving in added to your life? What has it taken away? And how could life be different if, by doing all of the above, you truly found freedom?
Sound off: What techniques do you use to win this battle?
For a deeper discussion about this subject, check out this All Pro Dad podcast episode.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Have you ever seen something on the internet that you think might be wrong?”