Do you have the fear of your daughter coming home pregnant or your son getting busted by the cops? There’s a great way to take the fear out of fathering.
The more you know about your kids, the better. And I’m talking specifics. Our research at the National Center for Fathering shows that men who are identified as effective fathers had a common characteristic: they pursued specific knowledge of their children.
Dad, do you know when your child has had a difficult day, or when she is upset about something?
Do you know your child’s best friends and what qualities that person has that attracted your child?
What encourages and motivates your child?
What things embarrass your child, or hurt his feelings?
Could you list your child’s strengths and weaknesses?
Could you identify your child’s recent disappointing experiences?
This kind of information is not just nice to know. It’s imperative-for several reasons.
Specific Awareness of your child’s talents will help you foster those gifts to serve God.
Specific Awareness of their friends and activities will help you protect your children – one of a father’s most important jobs.
On an even deeper level, when we actively seek to know our children, we’re demonstrating that they are important – even fascinating. Regardless of how cruel and insensitive the school crowd might be you can make your child feel confident that, in your house, he is part of the “in crowd.” Through your inquisitiveness, you tell your child, “I consider you worthy to be known.”
Specific Awareness of your child also takes away much of your own stress and anxieties. Many fathers live in daily fear that their daughter will walk in the door and drop a bomb: “I’m pregnant.” Or their son will call on the phone: “Dad, I need you to come down and bail me out.” It can be truly paralyzing. But as aware fathers, we can see these storms on the horizon. Certainly, we are not immune to tough times, but awareness keeps us from being surprised, and gives us time to prepare for them.
Seeking Specific Awareness of each of your children shouldn’t be a chore. Knowing your kids should fill you with joy, fascination and love.
