At a bachelor party, the groom-to-be took an extra-long look at the waitress walking away from the table. Shocked, his best man punched him in the shoulder and reminded him, “You’re getting married in a couple of weeks!” The groom-to-be turned back to his best man with a smile and answered, “I can still look at the menu, even though I’m not going to make an order.” Although his fiancée would have been hurt and offended by his look and his words, the man felt totally justified, thinking to himself, “Who is it going to hurt?”
Men come up with all sorts of reasons to justify the lingering gaze or a second look at an attractive woman. Some of the same excuses come up now when men are confronted about pornography. Here are 5 lies husbands tell themselves—and the truth about porn.
1. Everyone looks at porn.
A 2020 study reported that 91.5% of men had viewed pornography in the previous month. While that stat tells us that most guys are watching porn, it’s not an excuse to watch it ourselves. No dad would accept “everybody’s doing it” from our kids as an excuse for bad behavior, and we shouldn’t use it to justify ourselves.
While stats tell us that most guys are watching porn, it’s not an excuse to watch it ourselves.2. It doesn’t hurt anyone.
Because it just involves looking or watching, lots of men assume that porn doesn’t hurt anybody. Sadly, the truth about porn is the opposite. The actresses in the adult film industry often come from the most desperate and vulnerable corners of our society. There’s also a lot of adult content out there that is not consensual and/or contains acts of abuse.
3. It doesn’t affect my relationship with my wife.
Maybe it doesn’t seem the same to us as cheating, but porn definitely affects our relationships with our wives. It influences the way we see our wives and the way we are intimate with them. Women who discover their husbands are watching porn often feel betrayed and violated in much the same way as if he’d had an affair.
4. It won’t impact my kids.
Our kids’ likes, dislikes, and habits come from imitating you. The same can be true of our vices: this is part of why we often hear about the cycle of addiction in a family. If we have a blind spot to porn, it’s possible that the same kids that are always watching us are likely to have the same weakness and build the same habit.
5. I could stop whenever I want to.
Watching porn rewires the brain. It has similar effects to drug use. When we look at racy and lewd content, we get excited and our brains release dopamine. Because our brains crave dopamine, we go back to the same source looking for more dopamine but discover that what was satisfying yesterday isn’t as satisfying today. We need to see more, to watch more, and before we know it a pornography habit can grow into an addiction. (If this is your reality, help is out there for you.)
Sound off: What are other lies husbands tell themselves to justify watching porn?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “Have you ever seen something online that made you uncomfortable?”