We live in a town where youth sports are huge. When I started volunteering as a coach for my boys’ teams, I made a pact with another dad; I don’t coach my kids and he doesn’t coach his kids. We hope it prevents showing any favoritism, but also it guards us against being too hard or too easy on our own kids. So, during games I don’t talk to my kids much. But afterward, on the car ride home, they have a ton of questions.
Those are key moments for me as a dad. I want those conversations to be positive ones, but I admit, there have been times when I’ve fallen into the trap of criticizing too much. You’ve probably been there too if your kids play sports. I don’t want to beat you up about it, but we all need to watch what we say after games. If you’ve found yourself quick to criticize on those rides home, it’s not too late to steer your postgame chats in a more positive direction. Here are 3 things dads should say after every game.
1. “What part of the game was most fun to you?”
Did they answer, “Yes?” Awesome. Let’s have fun again next week. But a “No?” That should catch your attention. Sports is supposed to be about fun. Asking if your kids still enjoy participating is a great barometer for how to stack your family calendar. One of my three boys is much more into drawing and art. He played baseball but wasn’t really enjoying it that much. We didn’t sign him up for the next season, and he had fun doing something else. I love sports. It’s the one thing I feel like I can talk about with conviction. But, when sports, or any activity, become no fun for a kid, then there is no longer a reason to push it.
2. “I don’t care how you did. I care how you did it.”
It’s easy to get wrapped up in results. That was my life as an NFL quarterback—underperformance meant unemployment. But there are no pros on the Little League field. Youth sports isn’t about results. It’s about character formation, teamwork, honesty, and perseverance. I care much more about how my kids competed than if they won or lost. Did they do their absolute best? Did they work well as a team? Every kid wants to win, but stressing results isn’t always productive. Process should be the focus of our postgame conversations.
3. “I love watching you compete.”
Above all, I want my sons and daughter to know I love watching them compete. They should walk away from games knowing there was nowhere else I’d rather have been than on those bleachers cheering for them. Man, I get it. Competitive dads want what’s best for their kids and can get a little carried away sometimes with the criticisms. But try not to say anything about those missed free throws or your kid’s error in left field. Tell him it was a joy to watch him do something he loves. My daughter will forget about missing the goal in her soccer game, but she’ll always remember that Dad was invested in her.
Sound off: Are you more or less involved in your kids’ favorite activities than your parents were with you?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is the best part about playing sports?”