Most relationships are driven by passion in the beginning. There is a mutual attraction that leads to commitment. Gradually that passion is replaced as the driving force by choice. We choose to love, forgive, serve, and stay committed to our spouses. However, that passion for one another is still an important ingredient in a thriving marriage.
British behavior expert Judi Jones conducted a poll of 10 things that are killing passion in marriages. We have listed them below. We will examine her findings in this article, and try to offer solutions. Pick out one or two to start working on immediately. So, here are the top 10 everyday passion killers in marriage.
1. Weight Gain/Lack of Exercise – 13%
It is difficult to have any sort of romantic ideas when you are out of breath and just want to sit on the sofa. A healthy libido requires a healthy body. Those extra 25 pounds you have put on take a toll. While the idea of romance sounds good to you, it also seems like a lot of work. That’s when you know there is a problem. For the sake of your romantic life, as well as your overall health, it’s time to make some changes.
Passion Builder: A regular set of daily push-ups and sit-ups are free of charge and can make a world of difference.
2. Money and Spend Thriftiness – 11%It is imperative that you’re on the same page as your spouse in regards to how money is handled.
What destroys most marriages above all else? Money. Its many implications can wreak absolute havoc in your marriage. No matter your financial situation, it is imperative that you are on the same page as your spouse as to how your money is handled. Disagreements in this area breed deep resentment. They create divisions and walls in the marriage. Naturally, that translates over into your romantic relationship. Find common ground and common solutions in all of your financial matters.
Passion Builder: Meet with a financial adviser, or take Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace together so you can get on the same page.
3. Anti-Social Working Hours – 10%
This one is a particularly difficult topic to render a solution. Some folks choose to work long hours, but most have no choice. However, if your marriage is like “two ships crossing in the night,” your passion for each other is bound to suffer. Those ships need to dock at the same port on a regular basis.
Passion Builder: Take a hard look at your schedules and work hours, and do the best you can to make time for each other as much as possible.
4. Hygiene Issues (personal cleanliness) – 9%
Now, here is a topic we have complete control over no matter what is going on in our lives. How to romance your wife? First of all, try not to stink. Pretty easy tip. While there are times when your wife is aroused seeing you sweaty and a mess (working out, yard work), for the most part they desire to see you clean cut and fresh.
Passion Builder: You are a grown up, so you need not be told to wash behind your ears, clean the dirt from your fingernails, shave, wear deodorant, and brush your teeth.
5. In-Laws/Extended Family – too much/ little – 9%
A “go-to” plot for every sitcom writer is the old joke about the intruding mother-in-law. The nagging old lady constantly inserting herself between you and your spouse. Passion killer? Yes, indeed. On the flip side, when your extended family members are not in your lives enough, problems arise as well. As with money and working hours, a perfect harmony is very difficult to achieve.
Passion Builder: Examine your own particular family situation and how it may or may not affect you in this area. There is no one solution for all here.
6. Lack of Romance (sex, treats, etc.) – 8%
Somewhere in a box your wife keeps the love letters you used to write her while dating. The cards, the ticket stubs, a bit of sand from that walk on the beach. They never forget those special moments, and they hold them dear. Somehow we stop doing these things. There are areas you can relax and take comfort. But when it comes to romance, a woman thrives when she feels your love and her importance to you. Start figuring out the difference in you and your wife’s definitions of romance.
Passion Builder: Never stop courting her. If you develop the mindset that you need to win her heart every day, then very good things will come to your marriage.
7. Alcohol – Drinking Too Much – 7%
The effect alcohol abuse and addiction has on marriage and family life is destructive. Booze also takes a mighty toll on your physical health and your libido. It is perfectly fine having a romantic moment with your wife and sharing a bottle of wine in moderation. When you are polishing off a bottle of whiskey and a 12-pack, then you have moved into another territory. Only you have the knowledge of your own personal situation.
Passion Builder: The key to addiction recovery is honesty. Take a look at where you stand.
8. Snoring and Anti-Social Bedtime Habits – 6%
Sharing a bed with another person is not easy. Certain annoying habits from both parties are going to present themselves. Some can be fixed, and some are more difficult to resolve. If being happy in marriage is the goal, then this is not an area in which to scoff. The very last solution you want to consider is separate bedrooms. Once that route is taken, then passion in the marriage is all but finished.
Passion Builder: There are a myriad of possible issues here, so have an honest conversation as a couple as to how you might find solutions. And since most of the time the snorers are men, we can start by doing research on how to minimize this (weight loss is the first step, see #1 on this list).
9. Lapsed Fashion – Same Old Underwear/Clothes – 4%
We will be avoiding the underwear here. You can figure that out yourself. Concentrating on the fashion, there is much that can be done to improve. We all would like our significant other to look nice and appealing. That is a reasonable request of both husband and wife. This doesn’t mean you have to buy overpriced clothes. What it does mean is that you should find a style of your own that matches where you are in life.
Passion Builder: Take pride in your appearance, because others do notice, not the least of which is your spouse.
10. Bathroom Habits – Stray nail cuttings, etc. – 4%
It grosses you out just to read the phrase “stray nail cuttings.” That is a self-explanatory no-no. In general, not always but most times, women are very particular in this area and men tend to be completely ignorant. We leave our hair trimmings in the sink. Toothpaste is splashed on our mirror. Any number of nasty things. Women are more cat-like and precise, taking great care with their sanitary bathroom habits.
Passion Builder: Whatever the case in your home, or whoever is the one that is not so clean in their ways, consideration is the key to solving the problem.
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think you are passionate about?”