Rogers Hornsby, who averaged hitting .400 over five years, was facing a rookie pitcher who threw three pitches that he thought were strikes, but that the umpire called balls. The rookie shouted a complaint to the umpire who replied, “Young man, when you throw a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know.”
Respect in marriage is an important ingredient to longevity.What made the umpire so trust Hornsby’s judgment about what was a strike and what was a ball? Because Hornsby had earned the umpire’s trust for consistently making excellent choices year in and year out. Can the same be said about you and your spouse? Respect in marriage is an important ingredient to longevity. Does your wife trust your judgment because you have consistently done the right thing for a long period of time, or does she continually doubt you? Implement the following principles and, by this time next year, your marriage will be much more vibrant and enjoyable. Here are 10 ways to get your wife to respect your judgment.
1. Love your wife.
Why does it seem, list after list, that we always start here? Because when we learn to love eloquently, proactively, and selflessly, so much else will fall into place.
2. Respect her decisions.
If you want to be respected you need to first show respect.Respect is best developed in a collaborative model. This isn’t about you. It’s about the relationship. If you want to be respected you need to first show respect.
3. Respect yourself.
We’re not suggesting you be all “strut-my-stuff.” But, do learn to hold others accountable and challenge others when they have violated your boundaries or mistreated you.
4. Examine your track record.
Be honest about your lapses, make sure it’s obvious that you learn from your mistakes, and do not confuse being sure with being right. Don’t be afraid to backtrack and to apologize when you’re wrong.
5. Live according to a consistent code of ethics.
It’s easier to be convincing when your behavior and your decisions are rooted in an ethical code that’s larger than you are.
6. Make sure that humility is your watchword.
Listen to others, take advice, and realize that you don’t know everything. Other people, especially your wife, will be able to see your blind spots better than you. Then make sure you take responsibility when you’re wrong.
7. Live moderately in all things.
Your wonderful wife (and anyone else, for that matter) is going to follow your lead with more conviction when you demonstrate a pattern of moderate living and reasonable choices. Simply put – don’t be a loose cannon when you know how to be steady and on target.
8. Base your value judgments on ideals other than “me first.”
When you put others first, consistently, people are more apt to see your good intent. Worried about your history in the respect department? Put up some selfless numbers for a good stretch of time before looking for the kudos to start flowing in.
9. Demonstrate trustworthiness in matters both large and small.
Be faithful and truthful about everything, including the small things. Stockpiling honesty, in everything from how much you spent on Starbucks last week to what happened to the joint savings account, will accrue the trust you are looking for.
10. Always include your spouse in the decision-making process.
When you consistently collaborate with your wife you communicate to her that her voice and opinion are important. She will be more likely to return the same type of respect for you and your judgment.
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How do you earn respect?”