ways-to-say-I-love-you-to-your-child

5 Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ to Your Child Without Saying It

I wasn’t prepared for the first time I said “I love you” to my teen and she didn’t say it back. I was hurt. I mean, this is my little girl. I’ve said I love her to her daily—multiple times a day—since she was a baby. And as long as she could speak, she always said it in return. But now she was a teen. And she was dealing with all the awkward teen things. It became clear that my saying “I love you,” while still important, wasn’t always the best way to go. At least, I needed more ways to “say” it.

It will always be important to tell your kids you love them. But for a variety of reasons, you need to do more than just say it with your words. You need to say it with your actions. Here are 5 ways to say “I love you” to your child without saying it.

1. Encourage her.

According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of our thoughts are negative. That means your child nearly constantly has a negative voice in her head. More than almost anything, she needs an encouraging one. One of the best ways to say “I love you” to your child is to be a cheerleader for her on a daily basis.

2. Hug him.

Being a teenager is stressful, and it can be hard to know how to help him deal with it. While it certainly won’t solve it, a great way to express love and actually practically address his stress is to give him a hug. Physical touch has shown to have direct benefits on our nervous system, helping reduce stress and increase feelings of relaxation. If a hug is too much, put an arm around his shoulder or even just pat him on the back. Healthy physical touch is essential to human flourishing.

3. Share something of value with her.

What’s something you love? Is it a song? A book? A view? Share it with her. Sharing something you love is a great way to build connection. It often opens up opportunities for sharing stories and perhaps going a bit deeper around certain topics than you otherwise might. Then look for ways to enjoy things she loves with her. Again, it could be as simple as listening to her favorite album, going to her favorite restaurant or watching a show she loves together. These experiences help her feel like you don’t just love her but you like her.

4. Spend time with him.

If there’s anything dads are in short supply of, other than hair, it’s time. You’ve got a lot on your plate. This can make it feel nearly impossible to do more than a quick check-in once in a while to make sure your teen’s ok. For the most part, he understands this. That’s why it’s so powerful when you make time for him. Making time shows that while you have a lot on your plate, he matters enough that you’re willing to sacrifice something else to get just a few minutes connecting with him. And we make time for what, and whom, we love.

5. Serve her.

How can you serve your daughter? Maybe that’s an odd question. We don’t often think in terms of serving our kids. But to serve your daughter is simply to ask what would make her feel valued, seen, loved, and then choosing to do that. So perhaps that’s listening to her speech, even though you’d rather watch the game. Or maybe it’s offering to host the get together with her friends at your home or offering to take her and her friends to the game. The key is choosing to do something that is for her good even though it costs you something, and doing it cheerfully. It’s like shouting “I love you” through a bullhorn without saying a word.

Sound off: What are other ways to say “I love you” to your child without saying it?

Visit iMOM.com, our sister site, for 25 Things to Do With Elementary Kids While They’re Young for some good ideas. Or pass it on to your wife or someone you know!

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What’s the best thing someone said to you this week?”