mistakes men make

10 Common Mistakes Men Make in Life

Tags :

Elvis Presley was once asked to describe his life in one word. His answer? “Alone.” How can a man seen by hundreds of thousands on stage and listened to by millions feel so lonely? He made the mistake many of us make by not surrounding himself with “go-to” guys who had his best interests in mind and shot straight with him. If he had, perhaps he would be alive today.

All of us make mistakes, but a wise man learns from them. An even wiser man learns from the mistakes of others. Here are 10 common mistakes men make in life. Learn about them and avoid them.

All of us make mistakes, but a wise man learns from them. Click To Tweet

1. The belief that denial is an effective relationship tool.

This comes in close to #1 on any list. If men pretend for long enough that a problem or a conflict does not exist, we expect that the problem will automatically go away without further attention.

2. Thinking of ourselves first and others as an after-thought.

It’s not so much that men are selfish—more that we simply don’t think. Guys tend to go with the first impulse that comes into their heads. Typically that’s a self-serving impulse, but that’s not why we do it; we do it because it’s the first thing that came into our heads.

3. The tendency to believe that, once we explain ourselves, women will automatically change their point of view.

We honestly believe that our rationale is that compelling. The fact is, we might as well get a shovel, dig a deep hole in the ground, and jump right on in because that’s typically the effect of a man trying too hard to justify his insensitivity.

4. Not really listening.

Why listen when we know we’re right? Why listen when we already know what our wife/girlfriend/child is going to say? Well, maybe we don’t know. Maybe we have something to learn. Or, maybe listening will show some respect. Maybe listening more carefully will save the relationship.

5. Not really paying attention.

This is listening with our eyes and the rest of our senses. It would help to notice our wife’s new haircut. Or learn to read the subtext in the conversation. Or to turn off the game when the relationship needs attention.

6. “I don’t need any help.”

The American spirit of individualism buoys this myth. We often believe that seeking help is weak or incompatible with being a real man.

7. Wanting to “fix” problems rather than understand them.

It frequently involves rough riding over basic communication so we can hurry on with the “fix” and leave well-enough alone. To paraphrase a well-known board game: “Do not talk, do not listen, go directly to the solution.”

8. “I can put this together without reading the directions.”

This is an extension of “I don’t need any help.” What is it about the male psyche that gets stuck in the “I can do it myself” stage of child development? We were designed to live and work in a cooperative community. Learning how to draw strength from community remains a critical benchmark if we want to engage our full potential as men. [Tweet This]

9. The irrational belief that hiding feelings and building a wall around emotions will make for a stronger, more attractive man.

It actually turns out that the opposite is true. Men who are comfortable with emotions, in touch with their feelings, and who are willing to open up, enjoy better relationships and more satisfying marriages.

10. Attempting to impress other people by trying to do stuff that sends us to the hospital. 

Again, the opposite turns out to be true. Women are attracted to men who are alive, who demonstrate sound judgment and act in ways that suggest a secure future.

Sound Off

Which one of these have you dealt with the most in your life?

  • I believe Ego is a big problem for most men. But we all need it to be more positive about our lives. Hanging around more positive people really helps and ultimately effects our lives positively beyond expectations.

    • Mamamia

      My husband was one of the most positive people I ever met but as I read through they ten mistakes me. Make it sounded like his profile !

      He was an overachiever cheater too
      One long term adulteress with whom he had two children

      Along with many others cheating on the woman he was cheating on me with as I home schooled our children …and continued with trusting in the Lord

      Trouble began right after our wedding as he slowly began to resist and then reject and abandoned reading the Word and rejecting fellowship and sought out more of the world and those of it

      Essentially he would not receive or learn from anyone

      Turns out that was just what his parents lived by

      He was extremely successful and his career took off in the financial industry
      Wife and family became his props to show off whenever he wanted to appear to others to be a good husband and family man

      Discovery of all of his cheating after 26 years w as devestating

      All that effort “for his family” was a smoke screen for his wicked double life of lying cheating and using people

      Through all this I did not want to “think evil” now I realize all those little “tells” were red flags

      I now understand more from this through deeper study of scripture how deception works and how demons insert thoughts into minds devoid of the Word and hearts turned from the Lord

      People who love the Lord we never should under estimate how much reading and submitting to the guidance of the Lord through the Holy Spirit is essential every day

      I remain married even though he left and now is drawing women in and supports the children by the ow ..he says he hates her

      I am thinking what animates him hates

      The father of lies works in those who don’t take every thought to the obedience of Christ and refuse to submit to Him

  • Woli Razvi
  • Sumit Srivastava

    thanks for the post its really good.

    The Taj Wonder Tours
    http://www.thetajwondertours.com/tour/taj-mahal-tour-from-delhi-by-car

  • Erina

    Wow this is a fresh and outspoken perspective. Simple and to the point.

  • Do you have any lists like this but for women and about relationships etc.?

  • nice post i love to read info in this and keep all in mind that never do these in my life.

  • Taj Tourism

    hi good article article and good thinking about it
    thanks for sharing such kind of information.
    http://tajtourism.com/samedayagratourbytrain/
    http://www.tajtourism.com

  • CJ

    I have found that No. 9 (being sensitive and in touch with and sharing your emotions) is bogus. At least with my wife, she feels like I have been to sensitive and emotional and it has driven more of a wedge between us than connected us. I am still trying to find ways to bury my emotional side 20-plus years into my marriage in order to save my marriage.

    On a sidenote — being a lifelong Elvis Presley fan — he actually did have a small handful of close guy friends who did confront him on his prescription drug use during the last 10 years of his life, but Elvis instead chose No. 4 (not listening) and No. 6 (I don’t need any help) that led to his ultimate demise. A person is ultimately in control of their own decisions and choices no matter what kind of external input they receive. As one of his close friends said right around Elvis’s death when asked why he didn’t do more to help Elvis, “How do you protect a man from himself?”

    • BJ_Foster

      CJ – Thanks for the information about Elvis. Very interesting. We’ll work to make that correction. Second, what types of things did your wife say you were too sensitive or emotional about? Did she view you as whining? Passive, lacking initiative, or having self doubt? Does your emotion and sensitivity make her feel less secure? Just trying to get a better picture of what’s happening.

  • BryanEW710

    I don’t know how you get around #3 when you actually ARE right. Also: at what point should I give up what I want when it means I get nothing? I feel like I give space to my wife with regards to not being overly handsy or asking for sex, but it means I get to touch her at MOST for the 10min or so we cuddle before I nearly get kicked out of bed in the morning and our sex life is all but non-existent (once a month or so–sometimes less).

    At what point do you take #3 to heart so much that you’ve given up what you want?

    • MLK MLK

      Are both of you followers of the Lord? If so, you both have to “want to” please Him. This is a two-way street with husband and wife each making great contributions to the health of the marriage. She needs to understand that physical intimacy is no less a part of the relationship than you making money, doing chores or spending time with the kids. Share with her how rejected you feel with even the thought of being physical with her, knowing she is going to say no. It’s not good for us to feel this with our wives. In my mind, she should never say no unless she is sick. Likewise, you should never reject her unless you are sick. For me, this sex thing and being rejected by my wife it led me to sin (masturbation, online, and in my mind)…and even thoughts of going outside the relationship. You need to take an interest in her mind through conversation and appreciation. This only works if you are truly desirous of having a close relationship with God (which in turn causes you to love your wife). I know this is tough to hear but if you are not wanting to be obedient to God in all that you do (because you love him not because you want sex, etc.), none of this other stuff is ever going to be right and good. We just had this conversation yesterday so time will tell but I do know this, I really want to be in God’s presence every waking moment of my life as I have grown weary of living my life for me.

      • BryanEW710

        In answer to your first question, yes, we are.

      • BryanEW710

        That said, your post comes off as self-righteously creepy under the guise of piety. The idea of “no one should say ‘no’ unless they’re sick” is not only unrealistic, it vaguely suggests being a slave to your spouse. I want her to want me, not to feel like she has to service me. I’m her husband–not the family car!

        • MLK MLK

          Not really sure what to say…did not have any ill intentions in anything I wrote. Prob not a good idea to read into the motives of the written word. Your post reminded me of my situation. It’s painful and a dead end street and in no way glorifies God. I got sick of it, shared my thoughts with my wife and turned my eyes toward God more than I ever had previously….while inviting her to do the same. Whole-heartedly though not just in words.

          • BryanEW710

            I don’t doubt your sincerity. Some of what you said just doesn’t sound right. For example, the whole “no one should say ‘no’ unless they’re sick” thing. I can get “sometimes you should say ‘yes’ even if you don’t really feel like it”, but what you said sounds extreme–and not in a good way.

    • BJ_Foster

      It sounds like you are to a place where you feel like you are the only one sacrificing. I wonder if she feels the same way (that she sacrifices all the time). I think there are a lot of couples similar to you and your wife Bryan. I see a lot of comments along the same lines. When you discuss your sex life with your wife does she give any reasons why she’s not in the mood (why it’s once a month or less)? Is it no interest, stress, fatigue, or her own feeling of attractiveness?

      • BryanEW710

        I’m sure she does. She does a lot around our house (she’s a stay-at-home mom, and works part time), and more often than not seems pretty worn out. Body language alone suggests that she’d rather I not make a move. To be honest: sometimes I’m not sure whether the rejection is all in my head or is 100% reality.

        • JasonF

          Hi Bryan, have you read the book “5 Love Languages”? If not, definitely both of you should read it, if you have revisit it. Something that works in my marriage is making sure I am working on my wife’s love tank, then she is more receptive to my needs. Probably also goes without saying that if you help out with domestic duties, that will go a long way to easing her weariness and again make her more receptive 😉 I agree with your response to MLK MLK that you want to be wanted as well, not just “serviced” like the family car.

          • BryanEW710

            We read it years ago. Probably should revisit it, but I don’t know how receptive she’ll be to that idea.

          • BryanEW710

            I do help out around the house when I’m at home, but we have two kids and more often than not, she prefers I help out the kids while she does the dishes after dinner. I did literally just finish part of our basement. To be honest, depending on the day I feel like I can name a million reasons why she doesn’t want me…those days suuuuuuck.

      • BryanEW710

        In general, I feel like my physical advances are never really all that welcomed and that makes every other attempt more tentative–something she dislikes hugely. In that sense, rejection becomes a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy.

  • Christo Viljoen

    Hi, thank you for this post – I’m sure it helps a lot of people. But I have to comment on it, because it is such a gross generalised list. When I read through it, I felt “what is wrong with me” if I do not have these issues in my life. As a father, my family’s needs are always more important than my own. Always. and that it is just remark on the list. But in the end – this is a good list to measure one self. thank you so much! I really appreciate the content on this site! It has helped me tremendously up till now.

  • MLK MLK

    The Single Biggest Mistake Men (and Women) Make in their Lives
    1. Choosing to live for themselves instead of God.

  • Scott Smyth

    No. 3 and no 7. Guilty as charged. Now…what’s the answer? I’m not a woman, so am I allowed to fix my own problem? (Solution: Don’t ever explain myself to any woman, especially my wife, and wait three days to a year before attempting to solve a problem? Or am I not listening?) 😀

Subscribe to the Play of the Day for daily advice, videos and updates on how to be better dad.

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “How hard or easy is it for you to ask for help?”

foster and adoption
Did You Get It?
Florida Prepaid
APD Tallhassee FKE