10 Ways to Get Your Wife to Respect Your Judgment

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Rogers Hornsby, who averaged hitting .400 over five years, was facing a rookie pitcher who threw three pitches that he thought were strikes, but that the umpire called balls. The rookie shouted a complaint to the umpire, who replied: “Young man, when you throw a strike, Mr. Hornsby will let you know.”

What made the umpire so trust Hornsby’s judgment about what was a strike and what was a ball? Because Hornsby had earned the umpire’s trust for consistently making excellent choices year in and year out. Can the same be said about you and your spouse? Does your wife trust your judgment because you have consistently done the right thing for a long period of time, or does she continually doubt you? Implement the following principles and, by this time next year, your marriage will be much more vibrant and enjoyable.

Here are 10 ways to get your wife to respect your judgment:

Love your wife

Why does it seem, list after list, that we always start here? Because when we learn to love eloquently, proactively, and selflessly, so much else will fall into place.

Respect her decisions

Respect is best developed in a collaborative model. This isn’t about you. It’s about the relationship.

Respect yourself

We’re not suggesting you be all “strut-my-stuff.” But, do learn to give yourself a little credit and then add belief to your commitment to earn her respect.

Examine your track record

Be honest about your lapses, make sure it’s obvious that you learn from your mistakes, and do not confuse being sure with being right. Don’t be afraid to backtrack and to apologize when you’re wrong.

Live according to a consistent code of ethics

It’s easier to be convincing when your behavior and your decisions are rooted in an ethical code that’s larger than you are.

Make sure that humility is your watchword

Make some great decisions, collaborate with your wife, demonstrate allegiance to the wisdom of the ages… and then don’t say a word about it. Refrain from patting yourself on the back.

Live moderately in all things

Your wonderful wife (and anyone else, for that matter) is going to follow your lead with more conviction when you demonstrate a pattern of moderate living and reasonable choices. Simply put – don’t be a loose cannon when you know how to be steady and on target.

Base your value judgments on ideals other than “me first”

When you put others first, consistently, the evidence is going to take care of a lot of doubts. Worried about your history in the respect department? Put up some selfless numbers for a good stretch of time before looking for the kudos to start flowing in.

Demonstrate trustworthiness in matters both large and small

Respect typically comes through supporting evidence. Stockpiling honesty, in everything from how much you spent on Starbucks last week to what happened to the joint savings account, will accrue the trust you are looking for. Respect does not grow on trees.

Always include your spouse in the decision making process

When the general rule is collaborative judgment, if and when you feel it is important to take a stand, your pattern (the evidence) of teamwork and partnership will predispose her to the kind of result you’ve been working so hard to realize.

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What can I do so you will respect my judgment more?


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