marry my wife

5 Things I’d Do Differently If I Could Marry My Wife Again

In the 1972 Olympics, one of the most memorable or forgettable (depending upon which side you were on) do overs happened in sports history. It happened at the end of the men’s basketball gold medal game between the U.S.A. and the Soviet Union. This game ended in the first U.S Men’s Olympic Basketball Team loss. And it all came about as a result of a do over that the Soviet Union took advantage of.

What a heartbreak for the United States and what a jubilant and memorable moment for the Soviets. The U.S. is still frustrated by the way it all played out, and I’m sure players on that team would love to have been awarded a do over as well. (The Soviets were actually awarded two do overs.) After trailing all game, the U.S. made two free throws with 3 seconds left to take a one-point lead. The Soviet Union had to go the length of the court to score in 3 seconds.

Upon inbounding the ball, they took a long shot and missed—game over, U.S wins. No, the officials granted the Soviets a time-out and allowed the Soviets a do over. The second play the Soviets inbounded and took another long shot—game over, U.S. wins. No, once again the Soviets were awarded a do over due to a game clock error. Once more the Soviets inbounded the ball, but this time, they threw a long pass which was caught under their basket and laid in uncontested—game over, the Soviets win. As you can imagine, there were a lot of regrets and second-guessing over that game and the way it played out with three do overs.

Sometimes we regret or second-guess things that have happened in our marriage. I have absolutely zero regrets when it comes to my marriage and my family. We’ve had some rocky times, really rocky times. Fortunately, we’ve been able to use marriage challenges to bring us closer and to appreciate both the good and bad. [Tweet This] But sometimes, I do think, if I had a “do over,” I’d do the following differently:

1. I would take better care of our finances.

If you’re familiar with our marriage story, you know we’ve been homeless as a family—twice. Both stemmed from a job loss or loss of income. Both situations could have been prevented had we taken better care of our finances. Having enough savings and having no debt would have better prepared us when I lost jobs and income.

2. I would never stop dating.

My wife and I have shared the fact that we didn’t date for years. There was a season in our marriage where dating and date nights were completely nonexistent. The result was a slow drift which challenged our marriage. In hindsight, we now know how important dating in marriage is and what impact it has when present.

3. I would have more conversation about us.

We came into our marriage with our first child. So there was not a lot of us time as a married couple. Many of our conversation centered on schedules, our daughter, etc. We didn’t talk about us, we didn’t talk about our future life and dreams together. We talked about what was in front of our face at the time, and our relationship sometimes took a backseat in communication. If I did it over, we’d spend more time talking and learning about one another.

4. I would have waited.

As mentioned above, our first child was born before we were married. Our amazing blessing was 10 months old when we said, “I do.” We don’t regret her at all and are so thankful she is in our life. However, marriage is challenging enough when two people come together, particularly since we were so young. But add two people coming together as one while at the same time trying to figure out this parenting thing; it was very hard. If we did it over, we’d wait to be intimate, having faith that the best was to come.

5. I would set a foundation of prayer.

We prayed early in marriage but mainly in desperation—and alone. We rarely prayed together or even for one another. That has changed and prayer is foundational in our marriage. And we’ve noticed it is in other couples who have strong marriages. In fact, Family First co-founders Mark and Susan Merrill shared how serious prayer was in the marriage when we interviewed them for our marriage summit. With a do over, prayer would be at the top of the list.

We can’t have a do over in our marriages, but we can begin to function in a way that will help our latter years to be better than our former years. Take the steps above and implement them today and watch the results in your marriage.

Sound Off

What is one thing you'd do differently that would bring even better results if you were to marry your wife all over again?

Jackie Bledsoe

Jackie Bledsoe is an author, blogger, and speaker, but first and foremost a husband and father of three, who helps men better lead and love the ones who matter most.

  • CJ

    Thank you for sharing, Jackie. I have a lot of the same regrets coming into my marriage and over the years in our relationship. Once the kids started coming, our finances and one-one-one dating time became non existent and we drifted apart emotionally, physically and spiritually to the point of total disconnect.

    Looking back, finances — much like yours — were a HUGE burden. That burden weighed so heavily on my shoulders especially since my wife was in a better-paying profession than I am to this day, so it weighs heavily on my heart that I cannot be the financial provider for our family and to allow my wife more time at home with our children (2 of which have already graduated high school and are in college).

    Now we are working on restoring our marriage, which came critically close to divorce recently when my wife had disconnected from me so much in that she wound up having an emotional affair with another man in our church for two years. We are in counseling and prayerfully are trying to reconcile by Christ’s grace and mercy in our individual lives.

    I know it will be a very long journey ahead for us to remain together and for God to redeem our marriage and the mistakes that have happened in the past, but I am confident and hopeful that God is big enough for both of us to learn, change and grow in Him! I am and want to continue to be victorious in Christ, to rest in Him now and to remain hopeful for the future, knowing that everything comes together for good for those who love God. And that includes making up for those past mistakes in marriage that led to the disconnect.

    Praise the name of Jesus Christ for He makes all things new and rebuilding our house on Him will make it stronger than before!

    • Praise God and thank you for sharing, CJ! I pray your marriage restoration leads to an even better and stronger marriage! Blessings to you and your family!

  • Madison Wilhelm

    Great Points. While I don’t believe in living with regret it surely doesn’t hurt to be reflective and there is always time to make changes. I would say that I just fixed a major problem. After being on the road for 20+ years in sales and out of town 3-4 nights/week, I have just been blessed with a career change that will allow me to continue my career but without the travel. I can be home each night with my two boys (14&11) which will also reduce the stress on my wife who’s been holding the fort down for years while working her own full time job as nurse. This will not only strengthen my relationship with my children but with my wife as well as I will be able to contribute more at home. Our family will be better for it. For that, I’d say that career choices would be something I might do over if given a chance. The 5 above are great points!
    Be Blessed,
    Madison

    • What a great blessing the career change will be to your family, Madison. Congrats! Thanks for your sharing your thoughts and story!

  • Paul_Sp

    Wonder if anyone would choose not to marry the woman they did?
    Well, that’s not exactly what the title says though.

  • Joe

    Confront my problems rather than avoiding them and thinking they don’t matter or will go away. Confront with self-confidence and self-assurance that my concerns are real and valid and that my voice deserves to be heard.

  • Snarl777

    I agree with all of the items above. I would stay in better physical shape. I would make pleasing her sexually a priority.

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Huddle up with your wife and ask, “If we got married all over again, what do you think we should have done differently?”

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