Are you in a sexless marriage? If the answer is yes, or close to it, then please don’t feel lonely. It’s an epidemic. In all the countless conversations I’ve had with other men or couples about marital troubles, without fail lack of sex is always mentioned…prominently. It’s a big deal. Why is this happening? Where did the burning passion go for each other?
Sex is the highest state of physical intimacy we can attain with another person.Sex is the highest state of physical intimacy we can attain with another person. It’s spiritual, exhilarating, joyous, and fun. In marriage, especially with young children, both partners working, and loads of responsibility, sex quite often becomes dull and possibly even a burden. That’s a problem for long term sustainability.
So, how do we make our wives still want us? How do we stir her passions to equal ours? How do we return the fun and frequency to sex? Here are four key suggestions. They require effort, sacrifice and in some cases, personal change. If you’re looking to save and enhance your marriage and protect your children from the emotional turmoil of divorce, give them a serious look.
Take Initiative
It’s time to grow up. Simple as that. Avoid any distractions taking you away from your marriage, family, and career pursuits. For example, instead of playing a video game for 2 or 3 hours, do something productive for the family. Such as, give mom a break and take the kids to the park. Fix that broken door that’s needed attention for 3 months. Take the initiative to do productive things without having to be told to do so. You’re a leader, so it’s imperative to act like one. To be a man means to sacrifice for the betterment of those he’s responsible for. Wives find that quality very attractive. If we do this, I believe that wives will respond in kind and sexless marriages will be less prominent.
Stop Looking Outside the Marriage
It’s redundant to say we are a culture saturated in sexual imagery. It’s everywhere. For men, pornography, strip clubs, and even social media, offer ample opportunity to look beyond your wife for sexual fulfillment. The consequence to that is a wedge driven right into the heart of your marriage bed. She feels the distance in your marriage widening every day. Stop giving false reality your passion, and take it back to your wife. Doing so requires personal discipline and honest desire for a healthy marital sexual relationship. The first step is to be truthful with her in your struggle with these things. She can’t help with what is hidden from her. For a more detailed look at this issue, try this resource.
Be Intentional About Date Night
A major marital mistake, especially in young couples, is not intentionally making time for each other. New babies and toddlers eat up all the time and the future too, and nothing remains for parents to stay meaningfully connected to each other except the welfare of the children. Build a babysitter network of people your wife trusts. Help her feel at ease leaving the kids behind to be with you. Utilize family like grandparents if they are around. Keep your adult sexual relationship on the front burner. Continue to woo her.
Acts that Build Passion
What’s the correlation of our interactions with our wives to sex? It’s everything. It’s a direct connection. When my wife sees me doing something physical that helps lessen her stress or improves our family, that’s exactly when her sexual attraction to me is activated. Where men are more visually stimulated, women are sexually motivated mentally. Making her laugh, lessening her stress by a thoughtful act, and earnest communication, all help relax her and open the door to intimacy. When problems arise, this is where both partners have to choose to be selfless and understand what the other requires. Communication brings understanding. Talk about these things.
Huddle up with your wife tonight and talk about why the sex has waned in your marriage.