how to talk to girls

Teaching My Son How to Talk to Girls

Calling me a late bloomer when it comes to girls would be an understatement. When I was sixteen, there was a group of us at a local hangout after a Friday night football game. There were several popular girls at our table, but I never really stood out like the other guys. Somehow attention turned to me to tell a funny story. This was my moment to shine and impress, and I was good at telling stories. Everyone was paying attention and engaged. Just as I was going to hit them with the punchline, I made a gesture with my hand, knocking over my drink glass. Coke came flowing down like Niagara Falls all over my lap. I picked up the cup, emptied the rest on my lap, asked the waiter for a refill, and never finished my story.

For middle and high school boys, talking to girls can feel just as clumsy. Obviously it was for me. It’s awkward and scary. If I had only known what I know now, it would have saved me a lot of pain and anxiety. That is why I thoroughly intend on teaching my son how to talk to girls with the following principles.


Women are to be treated with respect at all times. They want a man that treats them well and doing so will make you more desirable. However, the real reason to treat women with respect is that they deserve it. A gentleman is a gentleman at all times. Women are a precious gift and blessing. Speak to them with the dignity with which they were created.

Women are to be treated with respect at all times. Click To Tweet

No Puppy Dog

You know that guy that likes a girl and follows her around like a puppy? Never ever be that guy. He always ends up in the friend zone. They need to know that you don’t need them because, in the end, you don’t. You may like a girl, but you shouldn’t need her. While getting to know her, be a little mysterious and always leave her wanting more. That might mean you cut a conversation short or leave a get-together before her. It may mean talking to everyone else at a party before you talk to her. If she is not intrigued, move on. As the relationship progresses, you won’t have to do it anymore but, in the beginning, it is important.

Drive the Conversation

This is a skill that can be learned. Learn how to talk about anything, particularly subjects that pique their interests. What do they have fun talking about? Study and know these topics. Learn the art of asking questions. Make the conversation easy for them by reducing the awkward silence. When she is smiling and laughing, you are hitting the mark. If you get to a point where you are ready to express your true feelings, give her an out. Let her know that it’s okay for her to not answer right away and to not feel the same way. It reduces the pressure on her and allows you to remain in control.

Confident Moves

Nothing reduces awkwardness than a man who is confident about himself and is comfortable in any situation. If you are comfortable in your own skin, it will relax her and make her feel okay. When you walk into a room focus on adding value to everyone you talk to, not just her. A confident posture gives the potential for you to make strong moves—like telling her how you feel. By all means, have important conversations face-to-face or, at least, by phone. Never over text (that’s weak).

Compatibility- Not Self Worth and Overall Attractiveness

It’s natural to feel sad or down when your feelings are not reciprocated. This is bound to happen when you take the initiative. We’ve all been there. If it doesn’t happen, you probably aren’t risking enough. Remember that you are looking for compatibility and so is she. It doesn’t mean that you are less than desirable, just that it’s not a fit. Keep being you, know your true value, and don’t stop initiating.

Sound Off

What would you tell your son about how to talk to girls?

BJ Foster

BJ Foster is the Director of Content Creation for All Pro Dad and a married father of two.

  • y3shuA imMANu3l

    Isaiah 43:
    “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
    I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
    2 When you pass through the waters,
    I will be with you;
    and when you pass through the rivers,
    they will not sweep over you.
    When you walk through the fire,
    you will not be burned;
    the flames will not set you ablaze.
    3 For I am the Lord your God,
    the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
    I give Egypt for your ransom,
    Cush and Seba in your stead.
    4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
    and because I love you,
    I will give people in exchange for you,
    nations in exchange for your life.
    5 Do not be afraid, for I am with you;
    I will bring your children from the east
    and gather you from the west.
    6 I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
    and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
    Bring my sons from afar
    and my daughters from the ends of the earth—
    7 everyone who is called by my name,
    whom I created for my glory,
    whom I formed and made.”
    8 Lead out those who have eyes but are blind,
    who have ears but are deaf.
    9 All the nations gather together
    and the peoples assemble.
    Which of their gods foretold this
    and proclaimed to us the former things?
    Let them bring in their witnesses to prove they were right,
    so that others may hear and say, “It is true.”
    10 “You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord,
    “and my servant whom I have chosen,
    so that you may know and believe me
    and understand that I am he.
    Before me no god was formed,
    nor will there be one after me.
    11 I, even I, am the Lord,
    and apart from me there is no savior.
    12 I have revealed and saved and proclaimed—
    I, and not some foreign god among you.
    You are my witnesses,” declares the Lord, “that I am God.
    13 Yes, and from ancient days I am he.
    No one can deliver out of my hand.
    When I act, who can reverse it?”

  • BryanEW710

    I am horribly unsuited to try to teach my son how to talk to girls. I was ABYSMAL at it, committing pretty much every sin in the list, especially being a bit of a puppy dog (it’s why I had more girls who were friends in high school than boys, probably). Even as an adult, I still deal with a lot of the self-esteem issues that underlie all of the topics here.

    • BJ_Foster

      Me too Bryan. Really appreciate your courage to share. But you are suited to teach your son everything you have learned and the mistakes you made. You could potentially share with him your current struggles when the time comes. I’m betting he would appreciate it. It would probably make him feel less awkward and alone. Perhaps watching you continue heal and grow will be a powerful model for him. There’s lots of opportunity there.

      • BryanEW710

        I could certainly tell him what not to do. As for healing from struggles, I’m still figuring that out. My wife and I’s relationship has definitely been hurt by the self-esteem and anxiety struggles I’ve dealt with for as long as I could remember. Some days are better than others.

Subscribe to the Play of the Day for daily advice, videos and updates on how to be better dad.

Huddle up with your kids tonight and ask them, “Who is the hardest person for you to talk to and why?”

foster and adoption
Did You Get It?
Florida Prepaid