On March 12, 1928, just before midnight, Ace Hopewell stood in the dark by his motorcycle, smoking a cigarette on the roadside. He heard a loud noise in the distance and wondered what it was. He had just passed over the St. Francis Dam in northern Los Angeles county. What he heard was the dam collapsing. The dam’s designer had inspected it that day and concluded that everything was fine. However, there were many signs of weakness, none greater than large, visible cracks that had formed in it. Instead of lowering the water and rebuilding the structure, the cracks were plugged, a fatal mistake. The initial wave was 140 feet tall. The surge destroyed several towns and took many lives before emptying into the Pacific Ocean 50 miles away. The dam’s failure was one of the worst engineering disasters of all time.
The worst thing we can do when we see signs of weakness is patch the surface. Unfortunately, we do this as men all the time. We have wounds, insecurities, unhealthy habits or attitudes, and instead of confronting the problems, we gloss over them. Eventually, the walls break, causing considerable pain to us and those closest to us. Here are 5 signs of weakness in men—and how to address them.
1. Difficulty in Processing Emotion
Processing our emotions is an essential part of building deeper and more intimate relationships. However, someone who has difficulty processing emotions shows a lack of awareness, experience, and maturity. In addition, they’ll have trouble regulating their emotions. Developing this area of your life will put you on much more solid ground.
Strengthen yourself: Acknowledge your emotions and be mindful of them. Take time to think through what’s causing them, and talk to wise people in your life who can give you insights.
2. Sticking With the Status Quo When It’s Bad
This shows a passivity often driven by fear. People will stick with the status quo, even if it’s bad, because they’re afraid of the unknown. That fear becomes a prison, keeping us from growing and having new experiences.
Strengthen yourself: Don’t be ruled by fear. Take risks, and be willing to step into the unknown. Be encouraged by Isaiah 41:10, which says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Do you believe that God desires to watch over and guide you?
3. An Inability to Admit Wrong
When people are unable to admit wrong, it’s is a sign of their insecurity. Admitting wrong is like admitting weakness in their minds, which leaves them vulnerable to criticism. A strong person is able to receive criticism and learn from it. However, criticism for a weaker person only validates a negative self-concept. Another possibility is they actually can’t conceive of themselves as being wrong, which shows a slanted view of reality.
Strengthen yourself: Be open to being wrong, and see it as an opportunity for growth. We all have blind spots or limited information. Strong people are learners and welcome critique and opposite points of view.
4. Consistently Choosing Themselves
Selfishness shows limited empathy, consideration, and humility. Proverbs 18:1 even goes so far as to say, “An unfriendly person pursues selfish ends and against all sound judgment starts quarrels.” A person who consistently chooses himself over others embraces foolishness and will be left with broken relationships.
Strengthen yourself: Consider the needs of others more than your own desires. Be willing to sacrifice, especially for your family.
5. Passing Blame
Similar to not being able to admit wrong, passing blame is often a defense mechanism to cover insecurity. People will pass blame fearing that an admission of guilt reveals their weakness. However, it’s the opposite. Blame shifting is what reveals their low (or at least shaky) self-esteem. Strong people take responsibility for their failures and grow from them.
Strengthen yourself: Never pass blame. Seek out situations and circumstances where you have fallen short. Own your failures, even when you’re only 5% in the wrong.
Sound off: What are some other possible signs of weakness in men?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What do you think makes a person strong?”