If you and your spouse aren’t best friends, then you’re not alone. Losing touch happens to be the most common precursor to a long list of other ailments including mixed parenting signals, break-down of family, loss of trust, alienation, affairs, and divorce.
The good news is that–like most trends that slip by unnoticed–this one is not so difficult to redirect. You just have to pay attention, want to change, and be willing to make a few deliberate choices in favor of family.
We put our heads together and came up with the following list of 5 strategies to find unity in your marriage:
1. Get some help.
Think of counseling as a “12,000 mile check-up” for your marriage. Sometimes it takes the perspective of a third party to realize you’re simply looking through separate lenses.
2. Read or listen to a book together.
Read a chapter a week, then sit down and talk about what you’ve learned. This could be a parenting book or simply something inspirational.
3. Have a “date” at least one night per week.
We’re so busy as parents that many couples fall out of the rhythm of natural communication. At least one time per week, schedule a date where you focus on one another.
4. Present a unified front to the kids.
Routinely say, “Your mom and I will talk about this then get back to you.” Even if you know you and your wife are in 100% agreement, this response lets the children know there’s no going behind anyone’s back. Write it in neon across your foreheads if necessary.
5. Make sure your wife is your #1 confidant.
Who is your “go-to” confidant when stuff happens in your life? Who do you call first when you get good news? Who do you want to talk to about every little detail? If you can’t answer, “my wife,” then it’s time to make a conscious, deliberate change.
Huddle Up Question
Let’s go over these five strategies and see if there’s one we can focus on.