win a woman's heart

5 Ways to Win Your Wife’s Heart

Let’s be honest. When it comes to loving your wife, do you feel more like the New England Patriots or the Cincinnati Bengals? Personally, I lost so many times during my first marriage (of 16 years) that I made the Cleveland Browns look like a dynasty.

Although every husband wants to win at marriage, very few have been taught how to win when it comes to matters of the heart. So, allow me to share 5 ways to win a woman’s heart, which I learned—in my second marriage.

1. Serve her secretly.

We all want to do nice things for our wives, but if you really want to win your wife’s heart, try doing something nice for her in secret. That’s right—do something nice for her while deliberately trying to avoid receiving credit for it. Why? Because when she notices what you did, she’ll know you’re serving her and loving her with no ulterior motives.

What can you do? Anything you can think of that will lighten her load. Fold the laundry, fill up her gas tank, cook dinner, wash the dishes, help the kids with their homework. The key here is not to look for acknowledgment.

2. Plagiarize God.

Maybe you’ve never done this before, but flip through a Bible and write down all the great things God says about us. Then write those words on sticky notes and leave them for your wife so she can find them. Here are just a few that I’ve used:

You’re God’s beloved. (3 John 1:2)
You’re fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
You’re God’s chosen. (Colossians 3:12)
You’ve been set apart by God. (Jeremiah 1:5)
You’re God’s adopted child. (Ephesians 1:5)
You’re accepted by God. (John 6:37)
You’re adored and cherished. (Romans 8:38)

The words you write don’t necessarily have to come from the Bible. But who knows? God’s words may carry even more weight than yours.

3. Give drive-by compliments.

The best compliments are usually the ones we don’t expect. So, whenever a positive thought about your wife pops into your head, don’t let it stay there. Stop whatever you’re doing and share it with her. It could be via text, call, or comment. The key is to do it spur of the moment wherever you are when she least expects it. And if you really want to earn extra points, do it in front of the children or when you have company.

4. Sleep holding her.

I’ve tried all these small acts of love, but I honestly can say this simple display of affection has probably reaped the most rewards for me. Simply put your arm around your wife when you’re in bed, until she falls asleep. If your arm gets tired, simply hold her hand. And if you really want to win her heart, do this after you’ve had an argument. I know that sounds risky, but it reminds her that you love her and that your marriage is safe, solid, and secure.

5. Take advantage of the after-burn.

If you love sex—and most men do—then the morning after sex, tell your wife how much you enjoyed making love to her. During the day, flirt with her by reminiscing about how much fun you had and how you can’t stop thinking about her. Yes, this may make her blush and even embarrass her a little. But that’s the point. You’re trying to win her heart. So let her know she still has yours and you still find her hot and irresistible. As a bonus, this also will increase your chances of an instant replay.

Of course, there are many other ways you can win your wife’s heart, but these were just five I learned that took me from a losing record in my first marriage to a winning one in my second.

Sound off: What are some ways you win your wife’s heart?

Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What are some words you love for people to use when they describe you?”