7 Ways to Instantly Improve Your Relationships With Your Kids

I can still remember it like it was yesterday. I wasn’t listening as my 5-year-old son called my name… for the third time. After he said “Dad” repeatedly, I was still looking at my phone, so he grabbed me by the chin and turned my face toward his, eyeball to eyeball. He wanted my undivided attention. At that moment, he wasn’t being disrespectful; I just wasn’t being present. It was his way of saying, “Dad, I want and need you.” And I needed that reminder—our parent-child relationship was better for it.

As dads, we sometimes allow small and temporary things to keep us from hearing and seeing more important things right in front of us: our kids. We get easily distracted and forget what’s most important in the parent-child relationship. But it doesn’t have to be this way. Here are 7 ways to instantly improve your relationships with your kids.

1. Put your phone away.

Studies have shown that even the visible presence of your phone in your hand or on a table while you’re talking hinders better communication and emotional connection. Our kids notice our device distractions.

2. Make intentional eye contact.

Place your eyes on the people you love while they are talking to you, and they will naturally feel more loved and connected with you. Good eye contact says a lot more about you than you realize.

3. Get outside.

Sometimes, just getting up off the couch and playing in the yard or taking a stroll around the neighborhood can contribute not only to physical health but to relational health as well. Many kids naturally talk more when they’re on the move. I know mine do.

4. Turn off your music or the TV and just listen.

I love wearing my AirPods, but I’ve found that when they’re in, my kids tend to assume I’m not available. When they want to talk, I’m learning to listen by giving them my full attention (and taking out my AirPods). This also requires an intentional positioning of my heart toward understanding my children rather than just being understood by them. Believe me, they know the difference when they see it. And trying to understand our kids’ points of view gives the parent-child relationship a boost.

5. Encourage your kids to ask questions.

I encourage all parents to establish an “open-door questions policy” that gives your kids permission to ask any question, anytime, about anything. How do you know if you have such a policy? Only if your kids know that you have such a policy. Some of our best conversations as a family have come out of this.

6. Don’t get defensive.

When they ask the tough questions or a question you weren’t expecting, don’t pounce on them. If you respond by questioning or demeaning them for asking in the first place, they won’t be coming to you for answers the next time.

7. Express love.

All kids desire the love, affection, and attention of their dads. Some of the easiest ways to instantly improve your parent-child relationship are to say I love you and give random hugs often. If this isn’t something you normally do, it may feel awkward for you at first, and maybe for your kids too. But keep doing it until over time, it becomes something your kids expect (and enjoy).

Sound off: Which of these ways could you instantly implement when you get home tonight?