It’s one choice to learn each other’s differences and another choice to work through them. Do you ever have days where you feel you are constantly banging heads with your wife? It might just be that the differences between men and women are showing. Our differences are ultimately good, as long as we don’t use them to alienate each other. But in a marriage, it takes time to learn what the differences between men and women are—and it takes time to learn how to deal with them. It’s one choice to learn each other’s differences and another choice to work through them.
1. Our Brains
Males tend to focus on one thing at a time and stay on that task until it is completed. On the other hand, your wife can do multiple tasks at a time, sometimes completing them or starting them and leaving them for later. It’s incumbent on the couple to discover, respect, and adapt to these differences in each other.
It’s said that men will pay full price for something they need while women will buy something they don’t need, if it’s on sale. The idea behind this is that husbands and wives can have different motivations when buying things. Keep the lines of communication open and absolutely stay within your budget.
3. Relationship Styles
In relationships, women grow closer by sharing emotions. As men, we prefer sharing activities—doing things together. Doing something together requires focusing on one thing while communicating emotions incorporates more complexities. The goal is still relationship, but men and women have different ways of achieving it.
4. Communication Styles
We use concise and short language. Women lean towards a lengthy, detailed style. We’re bullet points while they’re paragraphs. Both want to communicate something specific, but in different ways. To bridge this difference, it’d be helpful to start by being aware of this difference and adapting to each other. Read 20 Things Wives Love To Hear From Their Husbands for helpful advice.
Just as we have desires, our wives have different desires. Not a problem—until we try to meet their desires the way we meet our own desires. That’s like giving her an orange when she wants an apple. If you’re wondering what her needs are and whether you’re satisfying them, know this: It’s okay for you to express your needs to her and for you to ask her what hers are.
When we find something worthy of our time and energy, we value it. Some men may value expressing power and efficiency. Some women may value neatness and order. The ideal is that the longer you are married, the more aligned your values become. If for nothing else, you’ll align them in order to better love and serve each other.
You’re motivated by different things than your wife. Women desire to nurture, connect, and support. You feel fulfilled when you succeed at protecting, pursuing, and defending. Due to this motivation, women and men have different fears. Men fear disrespect and failure and women fear isolation. Having this knowledge will help you understand why your wife may react the way she does to certain experiences.
When you feel respected, like you carry authority in your house, how do you respond? Now compare that to how you respond when disrespected. Men’s fear of dishonor causes us to fight or fly out of a stressful situation. However, when your wife feels stressed, her fear of isolation generally results in her sharing what she’s feeling with others who can relate. These are two different responses that sometimes can cause more chaos than peace. Do you see how your fear of dishonor can keep you from loving your wife as she desires to be loved?
In general, men participate in more active, competitive activities while women prefer social, relational activities. Can you think of a date night that incorporates all these elements? Challenging, but embrace it—get creative! Consider having two date nights for each activity. For some hints, read 13 Great Fall Date Night Ideas.
Do you remember the first time you saw your wife? What went through your mind? The reason you started your pursuit of her is you saw her as beautiful inside and out. But your wife would probably rank emotional appeal as the number one reason she married you. You made her feel good. Do you see the difference in attraction? It’s important to cater to each other even after you’re married. The more you connect with her emotionally, the more open she’ll feel to connecting in additional ways. Check out 10 Ways To Let Your Wife Know She’s Captivating.
Sound off: In what other ways are men and women different?
Huddle Up Question
Huddle up with your kids and say, “One way you are different from me is… I appreciate it a lot because…”