The blast of the horn made me jump in the driver’s seat. I’d been changing lanes on the highway and hadn’t noticed his car creep into my blind spot. I sheepishly returned to my own lane as he drove past. These close calls happen to many drivers, which is why we use shoulder checks, proximity sensors, and cameras to help see what’s going on around us more clearly and prevent crashes.
Husbands can be like this too. There are moments a man might not see or understand what’s going on with his wife until he hears a different kind of a blast. Not understanding your wife can also be dangerous, except in this case, you know and love the person you’re going to hurt. Here are 5 husband blind spots where you might need some help.
1. She does a lot to get the kids ready every day.
Many men’s works schedules can mean a husband simply doesn’t see all that goes into getting his kids ready for the day. You might not notice her making the kids breakfast, doing their hair, finding a missing boot or sweater, and getting them where they need to go on time. The fix for this is choosing to be all-in on days off. Be around in the mornings when she’s getting your kids ready. Watch what your wife does, and help wherever you can. This not only builds her up but gives you strategies for the days when you’re home alone with the kids. Then make a point of telling her how grateful you are for these things she does that you may have taken for granted.
2. She has insecurities (just like you).
A man usually recognizes his wife as his biggest supporter and cheerleader. Whatever else might be going on at work, with friends, or even with your favorite sports team, there is great comfort in trusting the love of a caring wife. In the same way as she pulls for you, you need to pull for her. Knowing our wives love and believe in us helps us face our own insecurities, but it’s easy to forget that she also faces moments of insecurity. You need to tell her in ways she’ll understand that you love and treasure her, and you’ll be there for her no matter what. If this means you need to learn your wife’s love language, learn it and master it.
3. Her days can be long.
It’s common for a man to get home worn out from the work of the day. Whether she works at home or outside the home, it’s equally likely your wife is at least as worn out as you are. Understanding your wife and working through this blind spot simply means sharing the load at the end of the day. Don’t just vent about your day—ask how hers was. Don’t leave her to do all the cooking and cleaning by herself. Be willing to be spontaneous and take her out (or order in) to lighten the mood of the long days both of you have faced.
4. She gets sick too.
The “man cold” is a cliché often used to describe the ways a man will be laid out with an illness, while his wife can get the exact same bug while continuing to do all the things to care for the home and family. When you get sick, it’s likely your wife makes sure you get things like rest and chicken noodle soup so you quickly can get back on your feet. Ask yourself if there are ways you can make your wife’s life easier when she gets sick. Maybe it’s bringing her soup or getting up with the kids.
5. Pregnancy and childbirth take a toll.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see the ways that caring for a newborn baby can be all-consuming. Between the late-night feedings and the sheer amount of gear needed to take them anywhere, caring for a newborn—especially as a first-time parent—is exhausting. The thing a man can forget is that while she’s pregnant, his wife is basically an endurance athlete, burning 2.2 times the calories she would normally burn. What does this mean? If your wife is pregnant, you need to do a little more to take care of her, your home, or your other kids, because she’s doing a lot more every minute of the day.
Sound off: What are blind spots where you have a hard time understanding your wife?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What are some of the things you wish I’d do more often?”