being a better husband

10 Tips for Becoming a Better Husband

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Baseball Hall of Famer Joe Sewell used only 1 bat in his 14-year career and struck out only 114 times in 7,132 attempts. He never was convinced that a newer, more sophisticated bat would improve his play. When he was in a slump, rather than blaming his equipment, he took extra batting practice and focused on his swinging mechanics.

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if our nation had that same philosophy towards marriage? When things go sour, rather than looking to get a new replacement right away, we instead would focus on what we can control – how we can improve our relational mechanics.

How can we be more patient towards our wife? More thoughtful? More loving? You can’t control your wife’s actions, but work on you and trust the rest will take care of itself. [Tweet This]

Here are 10 tips for becoming a better husband:

1. Every day, aim one “random act of kindness” at your spouse: Plan for it, write down what you’re going to do, then check the deed off once it’s done. Odds are, being deliberate in this way will lead naturally to more.

2. Talk openly about your finances: Money surprises are never good, so stay a few steps ahead and include your wife in an ongoing conversation about the budget. This does not mean monitoring her spending. It does mean that you don’t keep secrets, you value her input, and you make important decisions as a team.

3. Make the effort to find out more about your wife:

– Do you know her favorite band?

– What books did she read last year/is she reading now?

-Where would she like to go if you had a three-day weekend?

– What restaurant she’s been dying to visit?

– Ask good questions, and then listen.

4. Try some creative/imaginative ways to tell your wife how much you love her: Don’t assume she knows. Even if she does know, hearing it from you will spark the fire. Before long you’ll realize that you love her more. Here are some tips:

– Slip a card or love note into her purse at the beginning of the day.

– Figure out obscure anniversaries (first date, engagement day, the day we moved into our first house etc.) and then make a big deal of celebrating together.

– Leave loving answering machine messages when you know she’s not going to be there.

– Make the bed and put a single rose on her pillow.

– Run a bubble bath for her and keep the house interruption-free while she enjoys it.

– Color a gaudy sign and put it on the windshield of her car.

5. Plan some fun: It doesn’t have to be expensive.

– Putt-putt

– Midnight bowling

-A late night walk on the beach

– Game-night (Scrabble, Monopoly, Apples to Apples) and ice cream

– Use your imagination.

6. Make note of your TV watching habits, and then cut your “tube-time” in half: Use the extra time to do something for or with your wife. Take a look at other media usage too – what does it say about your priorities in terms of relationships?

7. Make a list of the five things you’re most passionate about and where you invest most of your free time: If your wife is not number one on that list, then consider what steps you might take to make sure she is.

8. Confide in some friends: Make sure they’re friends who are in a relationship with some “spark.” Ask for their support and encouragement; exchange ideas.

9. Be deliberate about being positive: Take a look at your interactions with your wife: What percentage are confrontational? How often are you fighting? Do you tell one another jokes? What’s the ratio of purely informational dialogue to talking that advances the relationship? Now make a concerted effort to initiate positive, intimate, redemptive conversations. Learn a new joke every day if you have to; the point is to be proactive, not reactive.

10. Try counseling: OK, I know this sounds intense, but think of it as a 30,000-mile tune-up. Tell your wife you’re looking for ways to be a better husband, and that you want to work on moving forward, all the time. This could involve a few weekly appointments, a marriage enrichment seminar, a couples group at your faith-community, or any number of other intentional interventions.

Sound Off

What are some other ways to be a better husband?

  • CJ

    Uh boy, I’ve been trying to do things like this — plus more — on this list for 20-plus years to no avail. Instead, my wife sees me as going overboard, “clingy”, “smothering”, “needy” and so she decided to check out, harden her heart to me, told me she quit loving me over the past 2 years and decided to have a 2-year emotional affair that I just exposed this past summer.

    So you can kill yourself in trying to be the perfect husband — cleaning the house, doing the laundry, putting the kids to bed, getting the kids up in the morning, planning special times with your wife, trying to pray and do devotions with her, trying to read up on being a better man of God and husband and father, being involved in your church, trying to treat your wife like a queen — the list can go on and on and on — but it takes two to tango. And if you’re a husband like me, you might as well be banging your head against a wall for the rest of your life because everything you do is a worthless pile of shit — pardon my French.

    Sorry but I get very exasperated when I read articles like this when I have been the one trying to do these things. You also have to have a wife who is receptive and actually loves what you do for her and appreciates you. Otherwise you can do everything on this list in spades and all it gets you is a knife cutting your heart out and massive amounts of pain.

    • elisha warriner

      Sir I know its none of my business but that sounds hard. My heart would break over and over every time I stepped foot into my home and I have no idea how tough that truly would be. I am a christian born and raised, I want you to know that so you understand that our beliefs if not the same are similar. But have you tried sitting down with her in a quiet place and just asked her why? Not an argument or a fight, just a conversation to try and find out what’s really going on in her noggin. The honest truth.

      What I’ve learned being a christian is that giving up never helps and in a lot of ways can hurt even more. I’m not saying you have, I’m saying never quit. She has to have a reason deep down in her heart. Jealousy, hate, embarrassment, confusion, stubbornness? Whatever it may be if you can calmly talk to her even if she yells or screams just ask her in a calm voice to talk to you and be honest, not only with you but herself. why her heart is so hard and why she has been acting this way towards you. You’ve gotta open up her eyes and get her to realize that you love her no matter what and you do the things you do to try make her happy and show her that you love and care for her. Its not the deeds that get the job done its the heart to heart.

      When I would get in trouble for fighting with one of my sisters as a kid I would have to sit there criss cross, nose to nose while I held both of her hands. we would have to take turns saying something we loved about each other…now as a kid, it was hell having to sit nose to nose with my sister. Being an adult now I realize that doing that built our relationship more and more even though it was a punishment.

      If Jesus hadn’t prayed and meditated, building his relationship with his father (God), as much as he had, do you think he would have been able to do the miracles and wonders that we read in the bible and even see today? Other than the fact Jesus is God he was human just like you and I. He faced temptations all throughout his life, he even begged God to find some way other than crucifixion right before he was betrayed.

      What I’m saying is that your wife, stubbord and stone hearted as she may be, she has a soul. Her heart has a squishy spot I promise…you’ve just gotta poke it right.

      GOOD LUCK to you Cj and remember NEVER give up and ALWAYS keep a calm collective voice..if she wants to yell? Let her…shell realizing she’s the one in the wrong eventually

  • Carlos Bustos

    Jeeez CJ, that sounds tough man…
    I feel you, hopefully you will find the person you deserve if you have that mentality…
    Sometimes people don’t know what they have till they lose it, go on with your life and don’t stop believing on a good relationship.
    There are people out there that will kill to have what you offer.
    Hang in there!

  • don9ja

    Great!! Article

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Huddle up with your wife tonight and ask, “What is one simple thing we can both do better to improve our marriage?”

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