marriage intimacy

4 Letters That May Help You Better Connect With Your Spouse

Many companies have their new employees go through a series of tests when they begin serving in their new roles. These tests serve many purposes. One of those tests usually is some type of strength or personality test. This test will determine their personality type, how they react in certain situations, potential areas of struggle, and how they will relate to other employees who have similar and even different make ups.

One of the more well-known tests is the DISC Assessment. I’ve taken my fair share of DISC assessments and other tests for professional purposes. Recently I’ve been looking at the DISC for my marriage and for the couples who come to us for marriage advice and coaching. Whether you are struggling with trying to connect with your wife or not, applying a DISC assessment will shed some light on your relationship and help your marriage intimacy in the following ways.

What exactly is the DISC assessment?

DISC is a personal assessment tool used to improve work productivity, teamwork, and communication.  That latter part is very important in marriage. This model provides a common language couples can use to better understand themselves and adapt their behavior with their spouses. The following are what each of the letters stand for.

  • Dominance (D) – This person places emphasis on accomplishing results, the bottom line, confidence.
  • Influence (I) – This person places emphasis on influencing or persuading others, openness, relationships.
  • Steady (S) – This person places emphasis on cooperation, sincerity, dependability.
  • Compliant (C) – This person places emphasis on quality and accuracy, expertise, competency.

What type do you think you are? What about your wife?

Each of the personality types exhibits different behaviors. For example, an “I” likes to collaborate, while a “C” enjoys independence. You can imagine the potential conflict that may result between the two. If unaware the “I” may take offense and feel ignored if the “C” decides to address something alone rather than together.

However, when both people are aware of how the other behaves in certain situations they can be more understanding and thus adjust their behavior. A better solution may be for the “I” to avoid pushing so much and for the “C” to collaborate more.

The “I” personality has the potential to get restless when doing something alone, which can lead to haste and wrong decisions. A “C” personality likes to be right and get the best results. When the “C” understands collaborating with the “I” can lead to better decision making then they’ll be more encouraged to come together to work on things. Without this understanding, there is a potential tug-of-war and frustration.

Here are some other tips for different personality types better relating using the “D” and “I” personality type.

D’s should:

  • Listen to and recognize their ideas — “I” personalities are very talkative.
  • Provide verbal compliments.
  • Make a conscious effort to be friendly and non-confrontational as much as possible.
  • Be aware of body language. I’s are sensitive to strong tone and body language.

I’s should:

  • Keep communication concise, and make sure it is concrete and tangible. Limit the tangents and rabbit trails.
  • Remember D’s have a hard time saying “I’m sorry.”
  • Be a natural encourager, positive thinker, and optimist. Don’t go overboard, though.
  • Talk to the “D” about their goals and dreams — they like to plan!

You can see how effective this can be in a relationship. In my book, I stress the importance of learning new things about your spouse and the discovering process. Using these four letters, DISC, is a great way to discover more about your wife. Taking the DISC can give you the understanding of how you can best relate to her.

I believe it’s a practical tool we should all be using in our marriages. If we take them at work in order to better relate to our co-workers and be more productive. Then why would we not take it at home in order to better relate to our wives and have a better marriage? We absolute should take it and add it to our tools for increasing the understanding, communication, and intimacy in marriage.

Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What if we took a DISC assessment to help us improve our understanding and communication?”