“Can’t wait to spend time with you tonight!” That was the text from my wife the day of our last date night. Healthy couples strive to prioritize quality time together, and one of the best ways for many couples to do that is through consistent date nights.
Years ago, I started asking my wife a series of questions on our monthly dates. These questions have varied over time, but there are a few at the top that have stuck. Here are 5 questions to ask your wife regularly.
1. What am I getting right?
This question gives a great start to the conversation by allowing your wife to share things you have done that actually bless her. It’s also a great way to gauge the things that truly matter to her most. When a husband is intentional to find daily ways to invest in and bless his wife, this question is an easy one for her to answer.One of the best ways to become the better husband your wife deserves is simply to ask her how.
2. What am I getting wrong?
No matter how hard we try, there is always something we can do to be better husbands or to understand our wives and their needs more. This question invites my wife to speak into the areas where I’m lacking or might need specific direction. And any honest man will admit there are many times when he not only needs but welcomes that direction. One of the best ways to become the better husband your wife deserves is simply to ask her how.
3. Are you feeling noticed and understood?
As men, we get busy—sometimes too busy. And it’s easy to withdraw emotionally from those closest to us without even realizing it. I find that I don’t need to be heard or understood nearly as much as my wife does. So asking this question allows me to stay on track with how I’m doing at simply listening, empathizing, and meeting her emotional needs.
4. How could I make you feel more loved?
There are often things on my wife’s heart that she wants or needs, but she’ll be slow to tell me unless I ask. And this question isn’t just for date nights. For example, I went to Best Buy recently to spend some rewards points, and when I asked my wife if there was anything we needed, she was reluctant to mention what she was thinking. But with a little encouragement that it was my desire to please her, I figured it out, and came home with the new KitchenAid mixer she knew was on sale and wanted. That made her feel loved, but I wouldn’t have known if I hadn’t asked.
5. What in our marriage needs our attention right now?
Parenting, finances, in-laws, sex, and communication all can take a real toll on a marriage. Understanding which one your wife thinks currently needs the most attention can bring clarity to what you focus on improving in your relationship. For me, it’s almost always communication. But I’m still working on it.
Sound off: Could you take your next date night to the next level with any of these questions?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “Are there any questions you would like me to ask you more often? What are they?”