Do you ever wonder how to keep your wife happy? Have you felt mentally frustrated, socially incompetent, or verbally paralyzed when you’ve tried to understand your wife or meet her emotional needs? Well, I definitely have.
And out of sheer desperation to understand my wife better, I came up with what has turned out to be an effective way to decipher what’s going on inside of that beautiful but mysterious head of hers. To connect better with your own wife and avoid unnecessary arguments with her, ask yourself these four “MIND” questions.
M: What am I MISSING here?
Beyond her words, what didn’t she say that you could have missed? One day, my wife interrupted a meeting to tell me, “Honey, my dad sounds really down, so I’m going over to his house to see him; I’ll be back later.” And I initially responded, “Okay, I’ll see you when you get back.” Then I asked God, “Am I missing something?” And before my wife pulled out of the garage, I approached her. “Baby, do you want me to go over there with you?” I asked. And without hesitation, she replied, “Honey, could you please?” I was shocked. All she had to do was ask me, but I almost missed it.
If you’re like me, and you’re prone to “missing” your wife’s cues, get in the habit of asking her follow-up questions to her initial responses, such as whether she’d like you to help her with a task, whether she needs you to take care of a task for her entirely, or whether she’s worried, tired, or upset.
I: What can I INITIATE before she asks me to do it?
Even if your wife is better than you at planning or making decisions, every once in a while, give her a break by taking the initiative–especially when it comes to spiritual matters and spending time with the family. This is part of how to keep your wife happy.
What do you think would happen if you initiated prayer, a family outing, going to church, a warm hug, planning a date with her, family devotionals, holding her hand in public, or even hiring a baby sitter? It’ll probably shock her. And the more surprised she is by your actions, the longer she’s probably been waiting for you to do it.
N: What does she NEED from me right now?
Get in the habit of asking yourself this question whenever you see your wife at her most vulnerable. Unfortunately, I’ve had to learn this question the hard way, because whenever I thought my wife wanted me to solve her problem, all she really needed from me was to sit and listen.
Whenever I see my wife really struggling emotionally, I now ask, “God, what does she need from me right now, physically, emotionally, spiritually, or even socially?” Does she need a hug or a kiss on the forehead? Does she need to feel safe, affirmed, adored, or encouraged? Does she need me to pray with her? Does she need time alone or to go hang out with her girlfriends?
D: What can I DO to help her right now?
I must admit, this is my “go-to” with my wife. My wife and I are both self-employed, running separate businesses. We both work crazy hours. And it seems neither one of us understands how stressful the other’s job is. A lot of our “intense fellowships” start with the other being just plain tired. When that happens, I ask God again: “What can I do to help Tonya?”
“What can I do to lighten her load, reduce her burden, or take something off her plate? What can I do that would make her life easier?” It could be putting the dishes away after dinner, folding the clothes after she does laundry, or just getting dinner started. And if all else fails and you still don’t know what’s going on in your wife’s head, nothing beats asking her the questions you have in yours.
Earn some points: OK, we don’t know if this will earn you points, but would you like your wife to understand you more? Share this article from iMOM with her: Top 5 Things Your Husband Wants from You.
Sound off: What can you do today to make your wife’s life a little easier?
Huddle up with your wife and ask, “What can I take off your plate this week? I’d like to help however I can.”