Several years ago, my boss had us all write up a user manual about “how to work with me.” We each listed off the things we really wanted from our coworkers. We covered the approaches that are the most cohesive with our personalities, the attitudes we thrive and struggle with, and how we best communicate. Knowing what each of us wants helps us interact better but also provides insight into how to have more impact on one another.
When you know what people want, it’s easier to win them over. They will be more likely to listen to what you have to say. This is especially true of your kids. Just being their father doesn’t immediately earn your trust and admiration. Knowing the deepest longings of their hearts will help your impact. Here are 5 things people want most in life.
1. To Connect
I’ll never forget how sore my ear was after being on the phone for four hours with the woman who would eventually be my wife. We connected on such a deep level I didn’t want it to end. Connection with others makes us feel alive. We are created for relationships. Jesus said in Matthew 22:36–40 that the most important Commandments were to love God and love others.
Connect with your kids: Spend time with them doing something they enjoy.
2. To Be Valued
One of the things people want most in life is to be valued. Everyone wants to know that their lives mean something, that they have worth. That there is purpose to their existence.
Value your kids: Tell them how much they mean to you. Find the things that make them unique, the talents they have, and affirm them.
3. To Be Understood/Seen
One of the deepest longings of every person is to be known. They want to be seen and understood because it validates who they are. It gives them permission to be their authentic selves, no masking or trying to be what they hope will be acceptable, just themselves. There’s relief, security, and peace with being understood.
Understand and see your kids: Ask them questions and listen. Validate their perspective and experiences.
4. To Overcome Adversity
None of us want adversity, but we all want to have overcome it. Standing on the mountaintop, having risen to the test is an amazing feeling. The feeling of accomplishment not only builds self-confidence, it gives us perseverance. This is why Paul says in Romans 5:3–5 that “we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”
Help your kids overcome: Encourage them to embrace failure and keep going. Teach them that adversity is what helps us grow.
5. To Love and Be Loved
Not only are we created to love God and love others, we are also created to be loved. As 1 John 4:19 says, “We love because he first loved us.” God made you so he could love you. He created your kids to love them. Think about that for a moment and receive it.
Love your kids: In the same way God loves you, thinks about you, provides for you, works for your good, offers grace and forgiveness to you, do the same for your kids.
Sound off: What are some other things people want in life?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “What is one thing you want from me?”