I grew up playing golf. Every summer I took lessons to perfect my swing. Trying to master every aspect of a golf swing can be overwhelming. After a number of years, I realized that if I focused on three aspects of my swing, I would hit the ball crisp and clean. Almost 40 years later, I still say the same thing to myself when I stand over the ball: “Eyes on the ball, left arm straight, balance in the center.” Having a great golf swing is not that important to most of us, but being a great dad is.
But where do you start? It can be overwhelming knowing what to focus on. Well, we have boiled it down to 10 specific things. Some of you are doing all 10. Great job! For others, these 10 might seem like a real challenge. Just focus on a couple at a time and you’ll be there before you know it. Stick with it. Don’t get discouraged or give up. Whatever you do, show up and engage. Here are the 10 ways to be an All Pro Dad. You can download and print the list. Keep it where you will be reminded daily!
1. Love your kid’s mom.
The number one source of security for kids is to know that their dad loves their mother and is committed to her well-being. This can be challenging, especially if you aren’t married to their mom. However, love is a decision. It’s an act of the will to be patient, kind, humble, hopeful, giving, faithful, and trusting. If you are married to your kid’s mom make loving her and honoring your commitment your number one priority. If you aren’t married to her, then treat her with dignity and respect. Do your best to honor her as best you can.
2. Spend time with your kids.
How you spend your time is a reflection of what’s important to you. If you value your kids, you’ll want to be with them. You don’t need to wait for the perfect time. It doesn’t have to be when you can take a vacation or an afternoon off from work. Instead, grab those small pockets of time as they present themselves each day. Call your kids between appointments just to say hi. Send them a text. Read to them at bedtime. Carve out a few minutes to help them with their homework. Go to breakfast and drop them off at school. Grab every moment you can get.
3. Be a role model.
One of the easiest ways to be an All Pro Dad is to model the right things. What we say to our kids is important, but what we model is even more so. Role models don’t just talk the talk; they walk the walk. A great place to start is with consistency. Do you keep your word? Do you stand up for what is right even when it costs you? Are you trustworthy? Are you loyal in your relationships? Be what you want your children to be.
4. Understand and enjoy your children.
In order to be the best father you can be, you’ll need to understand your children. How do your kids think? What do they like or dislike? You’ll also want to know what each of your children need from you the most. One may need encouragement. Another responds better to affection. This crucial understanding can only come if you’re committed to really getting to know them. Remember, too, how fast your kids grow up, and just enjoy being with them. Don’t get tempted to wish for the next stage of their development. Have fun with them now, and make memories that last a lifetime.
5. Show affection.
One of the best ways to be an All Pro Dad is by showing affection. As children grow, so does their need for acceptance and a sense of belonging. These needs are met when a dad offers a hug, or a kind word, and expresses his appreciation and love for his children. But showing affection doesn’t stop there. Make sure to say, “I love you” every day. Consistent affection from a loving dad will strenthen your child’s self confidence and identity.
6. Secure your family’s financial future.
Financial stress can tear families apart. In order to put your family in a good position, you have to shore up your finances. First, eliminate your debt. Do everything you can to get out of it as quickly as possible. Then, make sure you establish a budget that not only trims expenses but also allows you to save and share with those in need. Meet with financial experts who can help you put a long term plan together.
7. Eat together as a family.
Sharing a meal together—breakfast, lunch, or dinner—provides structure to an often hectic schedule. It also gives kids the opportunity to talk. This is a time for dads to listen as well as give advice and encouragement. Most importantly, it’s a time to be together on a daily basis.
8. Discipline with a gentle spirit.
Discipline is a great way to love our children. It can certainly be firm, but should never be harsh. Discipline’s role is not to intimidate or tear down, but to mold and to correct. Correcting your kids should be done in private, and you and your child’s mom should be unified in how you discipline. Strive to be consistent.
9. Pray together.
Families that have a healthy prayer life help their children to understand that they are not the center of the universe. It helps kids think about the needs of others. Praying also gives them a sense of security to know that there is a God who cares for them with the wisdom to guide them through a confusing world, give them a standard to uphold with their character, will restore them when they fall short, and give them hope when they’re down.
10. Realize you’re a dad forever.
One of the most important ways to be an All Pro Dad is by realizing that you are a dad forever. Someday every father must let go of his children. As he allows his children the freedom to direct their own lives, a good dad realizes he doesn’t abandon them at a dorm room, a wedding altar, or the door of their first job. He continues to love, encourage, coach, and guide forever.
Sound off: Which of these is the most challenging for you?
Download the list here.