absent dad

The Consequences of the Absent Dad

The justifications for the absent dad may be plentiful but so are the consequences to his kids. [Tweet This] This is not a message to judge or to be critical of men who find themselves separated from their family. This is an encouragement to educate and to motivate men to hear the call to battle on behalf of their children. We understand all the obstacles that are set up against you. While there may be obstacles, the consequences to the children remain. Only their dad can change the odds. Some of those consequences are increased chances of depression, behavioral issues, insecurity, bad grades, and higher dropout rates. Both boys and girls are equally susceptible. The natural order of the family is for the man to have authority (not power) to lead and when that authority is abdicated,  a vacuum is created that will certainly be filled elsewhere. That’s when things can go awry. There aren’t many gang members or women in the sex industry who come from homes with a strong dad in place. This is a plea for men to find a way to lead: for men to reconcile, to compromise, to be strong, to be humble, and to give their children the love and direction they so desperately need. When we don’t, the consequences can last for generations. Here are some of the most common consequences:

Bad Behavior

The CDC says, “85% of all children who show behavior disorders come from fatherless homes.” That is a huge statistic and shouldn’t go unnoticed. Children need a dad to be the anchor that stabilizes their youth as they are pulled in every direction. [Tweet This] The U.S. Census Bureau says 43% of US children live without their father. That is a tremendous amount of kids being left wide open to the troubles that beckon them.

Education Woes

Seventy-one percent (71%) of high school dropouts come from fatherless homes, according to the National Principals Association Report on the State of High Schools. It is no guarantee that children with involved dads won’t struggle in school. However, when dad is not in the picture to lead and guide his children, the likelihood of scholastic trouble skyrockets. The reason for that is more psychological than lack of intelligence. The feeling of abandonment leaves a child unable to trust. Lack of trust leads to recklessness which can take many possible paths. Those successful in crime are some of the most intelligent people in the world. Most of them never finished high school.

Sex, Sex, Sex

This society is completely saturated in sexual innuendo that reaches all the way down to the elementary level. [Tweet This] We all have our own opinions about sex including when and where it is appropriate. However, at the very least, I think the overwhelming majority of parents would agree they don’t want their children sexually active before they are emotionally mature. The Department of Health and Human Services reports that 71% of pregnant teens have no dad present in their life. Most teenage girls that are sexually active are looking for something far deeper than what their hormones are screaming. They will find no shortage of young men eager to give them the illusion they can find it in them.

Substance Abuse

The statistics are questionable on this subject. However, there is ample documentation and psychological study that show the factor of an absent dad playing a large role in substance abuse. Again, plenty of kids with involved dads are out there smoking, drinking, and using a variety of drugs. The increased odds due to an absent dad stem mostly from the feeling of abandonment. It is a wrecking ball. When dad leaves and abdicates his role, abandonment issues spread throughout the family like a deadly plague. The use of drugs is an attempt to escape. We have a deep responsibility to provide them a place to run to and take sanctuary.

Sound Off

If you're a single dad, please share the ways that you remain connected and intimately involved in the lives of your children.

  • This topic is near and dear to my heart. Thanks for posting it. For the last 15 years, I’ve been 1100 miles away from my two boys, now 22 and 16. When their mother moved away after our split, I soon followed because I felt that I needed to be near the boys. A year or so later, I moved back and committed to remaining intimately involved in their lives. At that time, they were 8 and 2, but I committed to calling every weekend, checking in on school work and grades, keeping up on sports activities etc. I traveled there to see them during Spring Break and I flew them here to be with me every summer and Christmas holiday. Getting them on the phone these days is a bit tougher due to their school and work schedules but we do speak regularly and our relationship is as good as ever. It hasn’t always been easy, but their mother and I have stayed on the same page for the most part. I’m blessed to say they are doing well. There were plenty of ups and downs, but she never once tried to keep me away from my sons and knew they needed their dad.

    • Layla

      Darrell – It’s good to hear a success story! The time and effort you’ve invested in those kids will reap life long rewards for them AND you, not to mention the families you may have touched by them watching you make it work!

    • Jeremy

      Glad to hear that you’ve been able to keep in contact with your boys.

    • Craig

      black folk shouldn’t be celebrating christmas, Jesus wasnt born on that day.

  • Amanda Robinson

    My dad left our family when I was eight, and i never saw or heard from him again.And because of that, there we so many things I did that I would have never done if he was there. even when I was young all I wanted to do was make my dad proud. But when he left , it broke me. And if he didn’t care enough about me ,why should I care. I dropped out of school, did drugs, I partisapated in the whole list. My whole life would be so different if he had just been around a little, or even called. To be abandoned completely , without a second thought of what would happen to me, what would become of me. For all he knows I could be dead.

    • BJ_Foster

      I’m so sorry Amanda. Have you thought about counseling? It may help uncover some of these wounds so you experience validation and healing.

      • Mamamia

        Out of consideration for the two children my husband had due to his secret life of adultery I felt the children should know their dad

        It has not turned out well for them or for our family

        He has not been a good influence on any one since he is very good at looking good but the lesson learned is that he cannot be trusted and that a man can do anything once he is grown and has enough money to do whatever he wants and nobody who is dependent upon him can do anything about it

        He teaches our son and the other child that the Bible and Jesus are only for women and children .
        He taught that cheating on your marriage is what men do and people are OK with it as long as you are successful by the worlds standards

        He has a selection of OW and he doesn’t even hide it from our children anymore

        I grieve and pray for him to be delivered from bondage to such degrading behavior and to repent and come back to the Lord and our marriage

        May your life be secured on the truth of the Gospel of Jesus Christ before you go another day

        • Trent

          What is this? Your phishing. I just read this same story on another post. You are trolling for support and you sound like a looney toon. There are 2 sides to a story. He should still see his children whether he lived in adulterous life or whether you agree with what he’s doing when he’s with his children.

          • Mamamia

            How kind of you

            If you have not been in this situation perhaps you do not relate to the

          • Mamamia

            Oops posted that before I was through

            Yes I did post this elsewhere….I had hopes of providing another point of view from the perspective that I have had com this experience.

            I had not prevented my husband from anything he determined to do I. Fact I encouraged him to stay in relationship with the children and to make a better effort with them to lead them by the way of the Word

            He has chosen otherwise but we still pray for him and them and his other women for their deliverance from bondage to win as all have need of

            As for seeking support ….I have learned my Lord supplies what I need
            If that makes me a “loonie

          • Mamamia

            Tune” in your view then so be it

            May your life be led by the Lord to not have to go through what our family has had the opportunity to do but if something does come across your path this painful then may you find your strength in Jesus Christ as you seem to deal with it by His wisdom

          • Mamamia

            Typos compliments of typing on small phone keyboard

          • Trent

            It is illogical mumbling one sided nonsense what you are saying. There wasn’t any perspective behind it other than malice under the guise of scriptures and preaching. There are women sites you can go on and bash your husband I recommend you do so.

  • Tim Hartley Jr.

    I’ve been trying so hard to stay involved in my son’s life but his mother will not let me communicate with him. She left me and chose for his future to be like this. If you have any suggestions outside of hiring a lawyer please feel free to speak up.

    • Ronco Matic

      Unfortunately Tim, hiring a lawyer is your only recourse. I don’t know the details of your situation, but the family court system is not Father friendly by any means. If you have state ordered child support, then visitation would have been set by the court. If that is the case, then you can get her for violating a custody agreement. I wish you the best of luck, your son needs you in his life.

      • Tim Hartley Jr.

        Thanks for your input. I have been making endless efforts to stay involved but she moved out of state and with my name not being on his birth certificate I am powerless. I’m looking at about $2500 to $5000 just to establish paternity and acquire my visitation. Really is a messed up deal but thanks and I will not stop until I have say in my son’s life as well

        • Evan Otto

          we do have a similar situation, only that mine is a daughter, shes now 20 yrs old and i haven’t seen her personally, i just saw her in the facebook, but i think she doesn’t even know that i’m her father, they are living somewhere in hacienda heights california and i am here in the philippines, let me ask, how do you plan establish paternity, is it possible?

  • Craig

    If the liberals have their way, u will be shunned for even writing this, they will say what about kids with 2 moms or 2 dads, they probably mad at u already cause u not promoting the gay agenda, but i dont know your views, but whatever, good article.

    • Kevin Jones

      I’m a politically liberal person and not one thing you posted crossed my mind. These boards probably work best when people speak for themselves, and not others. Peace.

  • I am 36 and I have not met my father. I didn’t know my mother either until I met her few years ago. We don’t have a good relationship as we did when we met, and while I know there must be some troubles, I did not experiment with drugs, sex, men, or any of the above…..

  • Jaime Ortiz

    This article is a powder keg. You will notice the responses are either child victims or Father’s that had to make it work due to divorce. Ask yourself the real question, why is Divorce so common? What are 70% of divorces filed by women? Why does the court system automatically believe the mother is the parent that should have the children as primary? Is society saying 70% of men are bad husbands/fathers? Or are 70% of women making bad choices? Either way, the root of this article is telling men, “though you really lose control over your own life due to women’s actions, you still need to be there for the children otherwise they will suffer.” Lest we forget, women are placing the men and the children in the position in the first place. I have grown tired with the mantra of “Men, you need to be there for them.” This comes on the heels of, “Men, you need to provide, you need to be the leader, you need to be the lover your wife needs, you need to be the father that plays catch anytime your children ask, you need to be an Alpha male, you need to set an example to your daughter and how men should treat women, you need to guide your son on his path to manhood, etc. etc.” All of this while walking on egg shells because the moment your wife decides “I don’t love you anymore, I don’t want to be married, I want to relive my youth, I want my freedom” as Television and Movies tell women they should outsource raising their children to daycare, being a single mom is great because because you get to party on the weekends when the kids are with Dad or of cousrse if your husband does not make you feel special you should leave him”…and the list goes on and on….then divorce him because YOU (women) deserve to be happy. I appreciate the article, I really do, but at what point do we as men and Father’s get a voice and get to read an article regarding the damage that women are doing to the institution of marriage and the stress it places on men to keep being the reliable and a dependable source for children despite the real fact that once you are married, you are at the mercy of a woman for the rest of your life if you want 24×7 access to your own children. YES there are terrible men out there that women need and must escape from…..but 70%….I highly doubt it.

  • Dan Day

    Wow ,where to start and how to condense this. Lol
    I became a single dad 21 years ago. She wanted to find out what was “going to make her happy”. And I believe she still hasn’t found it as she is divorced again. Whole other story….
    I vowed that I would remain in my three daughters’ lives even though she moved an hour away. (wasn’t allowed to move further as I had a clause in the divorce decree that wouldn’t allow that.) I attended as many school functions as I could which included basketball, cheer-leading, softball, band (concert and marching), and tennis. Where ever my girls went, I went. I even went to the away games (I liked those because “she” wasn’t there. lol). Other parents would ask me why I was there because I didn’t have a daughter playing but I would respond with “No, but I have one cheering.” Many thanked me for my dedication and it has rewarded me in the end. Dad could be depended upon. They knew if I couldn’t be there it was for a good reason. I owned my own business (bakery) and wedding cakes have to be delivered. lol They value my opinion. I get calls with “Dad, what do you think about this….?”
    I became so involved with the softball that I was not only a head coach in the local rec league but the President for four years. I loved it and they loved it too.
    I don’t type this to bring praise upon myself but to show other single dads it can be done but YOU have to do it. She can shut you out of the house but she can’t keep you out of the school, ball park or crowd. Don’t get me wrong, mine didn’t do that, I was welcome there anytime and often invited to uncomfortable situations.
    But I made the best of it and it has reaped it’s rewards. My daughters still honor me even if I wasn’t there every night. Enough said.

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