When they first met, my friend John told his future wife that his dream in life was to get a monotonous job to work during the day so he could come home and raise great kids with the wife he loved. Twenty years later, he’s living this dream. His family takes priority over his career and any other hobby he has, and his family reaps the benefits. I can say with certainty that he’s one of the finest husbands and dads I know.
I’m not wired the same way as John. I love working with young people in youth ministry and will probably never be as detached from my job as he is. At the same time, I do want to do a better job of keeping my wife and kids as my priority. If you, like me, struggle to do that, here are 6 ways to put your family first.
1. Be all in when you’re at home.
Even if you’re physically at home, there are many distractions that take your attention away from your family. Whether it’s the need to answer one more work email or keeping up on a fantasy sports team, it’s easy to see why a man might have a hard time staying present. If you’re wondering how to put your family first, try taking steps to mitigate these distractions. Take advantage of the “focus” modes built into your phone to have work-free times during the day. Have set times to check on your favorite sports team. Taking steps to be “all in” whenever you come home will show your family members how much they matter.
2. Let your kids help around the house.
Owning a house comes with a never-ending list of things that need to be fixed. Whether it’s a leaky sink, the hole your sons put in the wall while wrestling, or some project you’ve been putting off for a while, there’s always more work to do. Whatever the project is, look for a way to let your kids help. Not only is having them swing a hammer, put up the first coat of paint, or even just pass you tools a great way to spend time together, your kids will feel empowered by it when you let them be part of a grown-up thing.
3. Stick to your work hours.
When you care about your job or projects are backing up at work, it’s easy to go in early and stay late. While there are times that working extra hours may be necessary, this should be an exception and not the rule. If you’re wondering how to put your family first, try letting them know your work hours on a given day or week. Knowing when to expect you home will protect them from having to worry or wonder, and it’ll make that time a highlight of your kids’ day—they’ll really be able to celebrate your arrival. It will also make it easier to plan out family mealtimes and extra-curricular activities.
4. Share your hobbies and interests with your kids.
Kids tend to pick up on the things that matter to their fathers. My dad’s guitar was often in his hands, and he took me to NHL games a couple of times a year when I was growing up. So it’s no coincidence that I love music and hockey so much. In the same spirit, share what you love with your kids. Whether it’s music, sports, hunting, fishing, comic books, or another interest, find ways to let them be a part of your adventures. Sharing your loves with your kids (and wife) means sharing a bit of your heart with them.
5. Plan dates with your wife and your kids.
One might say that the goal of dating is getting to know someone by spending fun, one-on-one time together, all the while discovering the beauty and goodness of the other (and helping you decide whether you could marry this person). Don’t stop dating now that you’re married with kids! Take your wife out so you can stay connected to each other, and look for moments you can spend time alone with each of your kids, too. Spending this fun, one-on-one time with each member of your family will allow you to further discover their beauty and goodness.
6. Invest in their “love languages.”
Learning The Five Love Languages can be a gamechanger, helping you appreciate the different ways you can make sure your wife and kids feel loved. It also helps defuse arguments when you learn the ways your wife best receives your love. Put your family first by learning which love languages—time, touch, gifts, words of affirmation, acts of service—make your wife and kids feel the most loved. Put these love languages into practice even if it’s hard to do. Your choice to deliberately invest in each family members’ love languages will provide a great foundation for the good times and hard times that you’re bound to face.
Sound off: What are some other ways to put your family first?
Huddle up with your kids and ask, “If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?”